High Heels
by self-piercing
Summary: From fame to shame. Ino, the successful model is forced to move back to her hometown due to her inner demons, something she said she never would. Will she be able to straighten out her life while clinging on to the old one? Angst/dark: Anorexia, drug abuse, spousal abuse. Parings will be many and develop with the story: Ino/Deidara, Ino/Ita, Ino/Shika, Shika/Tem, Sak/Sas, Ten/Neji
1. Sweet Child

There were many things Ino enjoyed in life: The feel of silk against her skin, the smell of oranges around Christmas, abusing drugs at loud parties and not eating for days.

Ino was still a simple woman.

She thought so herself but everyone else would disagree.

As a baby she would cry until her parents came to get her and then she would quiet down. She simply craved her parents attention at all times.

At the age of three she learned that she was more likely to get candy if she played with her blond hair and smiled with her plump lips.

In kindergarten she invited boys one by one in a play cabin and interview them for the position of being her first ever boyfriend.

In elementary she still kept her sweet act. She knew what her looks gave her: Extensions, free passes and good grades. It even landed Ino her very first female friend.

It was someone who couldn't compete with her when it came to looks.

It was the quiet girl with pink hair and a large forehead. The girl no one else wanted to befriend. Ino wanted to because she didn't want any competition.

At the end of elementary Ino experience something every budding teen experiences. The dreaded biological change called puberty.

Ino didn't mind some things others not so much.

She was the first in her class to start developing breasts. What she didn't like was the fat her body had stored for her growing years to come.

_Nobody_ gave her the same attention now that she was fat.

Her parents' friends never commented that she was such a sweet and beautiful girl. Her grades dropped and she no longer got away with what she used to.

Ino was a fat child no. Fat children weren't loved.

It was at this age Ino also became aware about the various shapes females came in. How they differed in age and shape. What she also noticed that only the tall, young and slender women were plastered in magazines and were allowed to walk the runway.

Mind you that at this time there was no such thing as a plus size model.

Ino decided quickly that she wanted to be one of these women in the magazines.

The first to go was the mayo and butter.

Then meals started disappearing all together and Ino told herself that she was in control.

She had control.

She was living the life of every successful girl she watched in her teen movies.

Hours were spent in front of the mirror looking at her shape, measuring her body parts and comparing them to others. She had a measuring tape by her bed and had memorized the average measurements of a super model.

When people voiced concern she would laugh. Like she had the time to be sick when she was amongst the top in class and had such a rich social life?

In middle school Ino lost her mother.

She lost her only healthy female role model and had only the glossy women were left. Those that weren't real.

She didn't cry. She didn't grieve. She didn't have time when she was dieting. She learned at an early age that she couldn't control death. She could control what she put in her body on the other hand so she did.

What Ino ate became the only thing she could control in life.

**Shikamaru** was always the worst in judging her. He was always talking down on her body. She was too small, looked too thin and sickly.

Their weekly sleep over stopped before they started high school.

Ino said that it was because they were the opposite sex and were getting too old. The real story was that he saw those nights. He saw her bones underneath the skin that was always too tight. The bones she had come to love and live for.

Ino know they weren't meant to happen so she didn't even consider him as boyfriend material but him becoming a man was her only viable excuse.

He didn't understand girls and certainly not her.

Sasuke on the other hand… The bruiting, tall, dark and handsome guy everyone wanted, Ino just had to have. She made it her mission. She didn't care about Sakura's feelings for him.

She told herself that all the girls had those feelings, besides her because she felt true love for him.

Sakura was more her sidekick than anything.

Ino had first pick when it came to trends to follow, clothes and boys.

Sakura was supposed to work as Ino's back up. They weren't much friends anymore entering high school. They had drifted apart.

Sakura had become more independent, beautiful and charming. For the first time there was a real competition.

Amongst their peers there were evaluated and judged. Until the very end of senior year Ino was leading.

Victory was established when Sakura had her tongue down Ino's boyfriend on the dance floor at their prom.

Ino had always thought that would be her biggest downfall. That such a trivial thing compared to her present day would make her run.

She should have known things would get so much worse.

At the end of high school she left her hometown.

She left the criticizing Shikamaru that would never understand.

She left her father who had never been enough.

She left Sakura after she had won.

She was too big for her small town. She craved something else than comfort. She dreamt of becoming a glossy girl in a magazine herself and that couldn't be done in her hometown.

Ino fled with the promise that she would never be back.

Xoxoxoxoxo

As a few of you have noted this story is very similar to another. I've talked to the author, a very cool cat by the way, she was gracious not only to believe me when I told her I hadn't copied her story but she also agreed to allow me have my story up with a few changes.

Thankfully it's only the few chapters that is similar and that is scary because so much of the first few chapters are based on my own experiences.

I've for many years struggled with anorexia. It's not a fun disease and when I started having those thoughts again: "I'm fat… You should stop eating" I decided to take some sort of action and ended up starting this story. There are also a lot of minor similarities but those weren't my inspiration for writing this story.

So expect some minor changes in the first chapters in the coming time, I won't do anything major to the plot as I want this to be about Ino's disease and recovery.

So thank you to everyone that's supported this story and to those who have alerted me that my story seemed to be plagiarized.

Take care!


	2. High Heels

It would be a long busride, Ino had pack no more than four large suitcases. She was getting out of town, out of her shame, away from her humiliating downfall. Fear of flying she would take the bus from New York to her small hometown. No one had come to see her off, they had stopped calling when she had been admitted. Ino had fallen from grace.

The day Ino had turned eighteen she had booked her one-way ticket, promising out loud never to come back. She had thought that she was better than every single one of her friends staying behind. She had cried on the phone calling her daddy to ask if she could come spend the summer. He had as always agreed never saying no to his princess.

She was humiliated. She did not have the strength to go back. She would have to eat her own words. She had been defeated by anorexia nervosa.

_"Promise to give me a kiss on my brow when I am dead. -I shall feel it."_

The road to her downfall had been long.

Already at the age of fourteen Ino had replaced her lunch with sticks of celery. She had started memorizing nutrient tables like she did history, politics and math at school. She had started growing never in size just height. The boy at school had noticed. She looked good, she always had. She was fueled by the attention she was giving, always hungry for more.

She loved the looks that males sent her; she loved it when the girls wrote that she was a skank in the bathroom stalls. At highschool Ino was not with the in-crowd, she was the in-crowd, she ran it. She ran the school, she and the company she kept.

At the same time Ino had always wished that her last skipped meal would turn her invisible. So that they could no longer see her as pained as she was and do nothing about it.

Naruto, the loudest kid at school which she casually flirted with.

Shikamaru the laid back stoner who always bickered and judged her for her choices.

Kiba, the dog lover, was allowed to hang with them. He always beat up who he was told for whatever reason.

Sasuke was the boytoy, the one who had rejected Ino at the beginning of high school.

She had him by their junior year, much to the dissatisfaction of her best friend.

Sakura was her faithful sidekick, brainy, charming, beautiful, but no threat to Ino until senior year.

They had a falling out due to Sasuke. They were friends solely for the reason that they were the two most popular girls at school. They knew that apart they would simply destroy each other. It was expected of them to be friends, and Ino wanted her life of be perfect. It was all vile and cliche. It was built on old habits. She felt safe when nothing changed unless she had control.

Ino had been the only one to leave state. She and Naruto had been the only ones to not attend college. Ino had skipped out on college to become a model.

She had decided the night she had lost in love to Sakura.

She was better looking that Sakura, more charming, skinnier, shameful, sexy, loving, fun, Ino was better than Sakura in any way.

_Apparently not._

Ino thought of herself as the perfect woman, yet she had lost.

It all happened at her prom. It couldn't be more appropriate. She had called with tears trapped in her throat to her friend Itachi, Sasuke's older brother. He was already living in New York; he would help her set up. She would help her get started with her new life, her new career.

Itachi had been making a name in New York; he was an up and coming author. What little he had published had been praised. He got in to the best clubs, he had money and he was a decent bloke.

He had introduced her to Konan, an aspirating model like her. Konan was bigger than her, rawer. She did not mind screaming to get what she wanted; she could fend for herself and found her place in life once she had gone to over to become an alternative model. She dyed her hair an intense blue and found a place where she was finally worshiped for her curves.

Ino had eventually gotten signed with Tsunade. It took her a month, a month of hard work, going out to different clubs every night. At Tsunade's office she had been told to lose some weight, given a diet plan. As soon as she had gotten a couple of jobs she and Konan had gotten an apartment together. It had never been good between then after that. Konan was bitter at Ino. Konan was still not signed to anyone and she had been in the game longer than Ino.

One night Itachi had given them an invite to the top floor of Ice Cube, the hottest club at the moment. He had told them that his friend and boss was hosting. Itachi had whispered to Ino that night to not let the models smell the fear on her.

Ino did not feel any fear at all walking in. She looked around and felt right at home.

This was what Ino wanted.

All those calm models, so classy. They were all perfect, their high end and modest designer clothes, their legs that went on forever, their hair that looked like it took them hours to style. Now she knew it wasn't even their own.

Most important of all was their bodies; they made Ino look like her childhood nickname, pig.

She would be skinnier than all of them, she would become prettier.

Ino dragged her finger along her ribs to comfort herself, a habit she had since she had first gone on her first diet.

The feeling of her bones directly under her skin made her calm, her skin was a perfect fit without no body fat.

Konan had started mingling around the room. Ino had not even noticed her going to the back to the suits.

Itachi was as normal gone as soon as your eyes left him.

Their world was divided in two. Models and suit. Ino had been told not to give a fuck about the models; their first instinct was to hate you anyway.

The suits signed you, dressed you, took your photographs, they paid you.

Ino was living her childhood dream, nothing could bring her down now, and she was only going further up.

She was going to become a glossy girl.

Ino went over to the bar to order herself a drink.

She had failed to notice that the models were only bringing their drinks up to their lips. Alcohol contained too many calories. She smiled at the man next to her.

He had blond hair to die for, unlike hers his was full of color and warmth. With those cheekbones and muscular body Ino was not sure if he was a suit or model.

He was nothing like the guys she had left behind in her hometown that was certain. He looked at her twice while she was waiting for her drink. Nobody seemed to care to check her ID. They knew the police would never check up on a party like this. They had a free pass.

The blond was deep in conversation with a short, fat man, obviously a suit. The lady with red hair was most likely a make-up artist judging on her style and body.

Konan came out of nowhere and dragged Ino away.

"What the hell are you doing? Promise not to ruin this night for me!"

Ino tilted her head, making it obvious that she had no idea what Konan was talking about.

"That man you were eye flirting with, that is Deidara. Deidara is only the most successful photographers and work only with the best. He chews and cums on girls like you. Danger, stay away."

Konan was off again, she didn't have time for Ino. She was mingling.

Ino was flattered while at the same time she had a bad taste in her mouth. Ino did not know where to stay, she knew no one. She tried to mingle with the girls like her, powerless and undiscovered. It didn't work out. They weren't as easy going and energetic as her.

A few drinks later she made it to the dance floor. She did not dance like the few other souls on the dancefloor. She danced like she danced at home. Sexy, provocative, playing on her body and sex. It was what she had learned sold.

She closed her eyes and danced to the music, up and down, side to side. When she opened them she discovered a raging Konan storming her way, she had an audience. Ino quickly stopped her dancing and made a break for the bathroom. She was getting sweaty and she was clearly drunk.

She saw herself in the mirror, she was already starting to lose weight and she could see that. She was better at dieting than Konan. They tried to support each other, encourage each other not to eat. They had together thrown out almost all the food they had at home. They had gone through all the trick, pictures on the fridge, smaller plates, salting their meals so it almost hurt eating it.

Someone suddenly opened the door and came in before Ino could yell occupied. It was the blond from the bar. He smiled and locked the bathroom door, she must have forgotten to. He held up a credit card and she did not know why until he fished out a small bag of white powder. She was uncertain and frankly scared.

She smoked her share of joints, stolen daddy's brandy and such, but it stopped there.

She had never taken drugs that could kill you.

He worked in silence, lined up three lines of the powder, and snorted two lines himself with $100 bill. He handed his equipment over to her.

"You're new in the scene,"

He stated

"I'm Deidara, I hate the summer."

She took his credit card and money.

"Is it because the sun competes with your hair?"

She asked, he sniggered.

"I like you; we should work together once you're down in two digits."

He must have talked about her weight. She leaned over and snorted the drug like he had done. It hit her like she hit the bathroom wall. She kissed him back, he was the dominant one and she let him dominate.

They had made out a couple of minutes when he tried to pull the zipper on her black dress with gold sequins down. She stopped him. "You don't even know my name, bad boy."

She held her finger over her lips smiling as she left the room. Once out she made a run for it. She did not care if she had made things difficult for herself, she did not care that she had left Konan behind. She would not suck some guys dick or even worse for the promise of a contract that never would be made. The next week she was called into his studio.

Ino never knew that was the start to her demise. She didn't know what kind of monster within she had created.

Now she was boarding the bus to take her back to her dad to the hometown she never felt home in.

xoxoxoxo

I'm sorry if I'm mistaken, but that's how I remember and experienced those parties. (from my short and very low key modeling days) I do have a few friends who are aspiring and they describe these parties similar.

My protip is forget these kind of parties if you're looking for a good time and not building connections.

If you want a good time and a sick party, getting backstage on concerts is always worth the trouble... But those kind of parties are another story...


	3. Back in Town

They had been worried about her kidneys at the clinic, because of her eating disorder.

They had force feed her.

They had her on a heart monitor.

She had tubes and needles everywhere.

She looked awful.

She was 85 pounds, 39 kilo when she came in.

They had never seen anything like it at the clinic. She had been admitted by force.

She hated every single second of her four long months at the clinic.

She hated not deciding what she put in her own body, she hated the therapist sessions, having to put name on her feelings when she had none, she hated not being able to take cocaine, she hated gaining weight.

Most of all she hated herself.

She had lost control.

She had lost herself.

She had put herself in that state and she was the only one to blame. She had promised herself she would never get this far. She had so many times over so many years promised herself that this would never happen.

She could have died.

It would have been better.

It had been decided that the safest place for here to be in this state was with a close relative.

Deidara had turned her down. He still had a business to run and he was right. He couldn't stop working.

Ino had not had much contact with her father since she left. The calls had become further and further apart.

Her dad was proud of his daughter, seeing her on billboards and in magazines. He loved his daughter, he just did not know how to act around her. He never knew what she needed growing up without a mother. He would never be her mother so he also stopped being her father.

He just let her do what she wanted. If she wanted to buy the dress with the deepest cleavage, he would pay for it.

If she wanted to stay out all night partying he would give her money for a cab so she would get safe home and looked away.

He never said no to her, he never gave her boundaries.

He was the town sheriff, but his daughter never had to follow any laws.

Ino found an empty seat on the Greyhound bus. She had brought plenty to drink with her on her trip and some carrots if her stomach would start had also brought a huge stack of fashion magazines.

Had it been a few months ago she was sure she would have been in all of them.

Now she was on a break they had called it.

They couldn't say it as it was. She was too skinny to work with. She wouldn't sell.

She would not get any contracts before she gained some weight. She knew that, but she was not ready to deal with it.

She was scared the bones beneath her skin would disappear. She ran her fingers over her bones, counted each of her ribs and let her finger fly over her collar bone. Satisfaction. Perfection. Hard beneath.

She wondered what her hometown looked like, it had been years.

She wondered what was new, and what had stayed the same.

She wondered who had changed and how they would treat her.

Her hometown had always been small and three years behind.

She considered herself an artist.

Though she did not make music or paintings, she felt like an artist.

She made any clothing look good on her body.

She created trends and everyone adored her.

Ino had always thought that she had the perfect life. That everything in her life was perfect as she was.

She was not, but she could not see that.

She could not see that she had become nothing but a shell of a human being, a pale image of the girl who left the place she was returning to.

Several hours after her journey started the bus pulled over and stop. She had to take the train from here on and out.

Entering the train she felt free and more at ease. It didn't spoil her mood that the train was crowded. She would sit next to a window on those quadruple seats that had a table.

Walking up and down a few times she realized there was nothing free. She had to sit next to someone.

She saw someone in the back sleeping. He had pulled his jacket over his head and sat down next to the person.

She was exhausted traveling and almost envied the sleeping pile.

She had contemplated breaking up her traveling and spending the night at the hotel. She decided against it last minute. She made herself comfortable in her seat and dozed off.

* * *

The noises around me woke me up.

I had almost forgotten that sound. I had not heard it in so long. Not since I was a child. It was coming from the opposite next to me.

The stranger was eating chips. He pulled his jacket off his head.

He looked half decent. Half decent mind you.

It did not look like he had shaved at all this week, his dark hair in a messy pony tail. There was something familiar with that hairstyle and she had only seen one other living person wear their hair like that.

Worst of all he handed me the bag of chips.

I almost threw up, felt it riding up my throat. I shook my head.

"Some things never change."

He sounded just the same and he was nagging about the same things as always.

He ate on, the crisps must have been the noisiest ever produced and the smell was nauseating, BBQ.

It smelled like my hometown, it reminded me of my childhood, growing up when I as a disgusting child would eat such garbage.

I started looking through one of my magazines. I found a picture of myself and smiled. The beautiful flowery Vera Wang fluttered around me like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I loved my life back in New York.

I would get through the summer, gain some weight and go back pretending to be healed and healthy.

This time I would never move back to my hometown again.

"I know you've gotten famous and all, but it is still very rude not to greet old friends, Cover Girl."

I took my Prada sunglasses off to take a closer look on him. I certainly knew this boy, I had been right all along.

It was Nara, Shikamaru.

The boy I had bugged nagged on and bothered all through high school and he had rewarded the favor.

"What's it to you?"

I spat then laughed and hugged him. He was soft and warm. Soft and warm, two words I no longer used to describe even smelled like the same fabric softener his mother used when he was a child.

In my world they were bony or muscular and they all smelled heavily of this seasons perfume.

I wouldn't have believed falling into bad habits would be so easy.

I hadn't believed we would have been able to pick up where we had left it. I didn't believe his condensating eyes gazing at my body would make me feel ashamed.

The train pulled into the station before I was ready.

Shikamaru was one of the first of the train probably sick of my company already hating that he had to see me again. Hating that I was back. I would leave him alone again soon enough.

I walked off taking in the country air. I had almost expected it to smell of hick and cow shit. It didn't. It smelled clean.

"Is your dad picking up, taking a cab?"

Shikamaru was scratching the back of his head and stretching at the same time.

"I'm supposed to call my daddy."

I smiled. Shikamaru sighed. It wasn't like he could leave me all alone on the dangerous, soon to be deserted station.

"I got a car parked here, I could drop you off or something if you don't want to come see the gang. They'll be happy to see you."

There was still a gang and they still hung out together.

"Does the car have a mirror?"

I had to fix my make-up before seeing anyone. Bumping into Shikamaru in this state was embarrassing enough.

He shrugged and I went over to get my luggage and he to get his car.

"Are you moving here permanently?! Four huge ass suitcases!"

He screamed looking at my luggage.

"I'm staying the whole summer, that's months! I packed light!"

That should explain everything but he would never understand seeing he'd never owned more than six outfits at a time. I had left much more than I had brought he should have been pleased about that.

"You're even more work now than before you moved out off here."

He would know. He had dealt with my messes so many times. He started throwing my luggage in the car.

"Careful, it's Louis Vuitton. Not that you would know or care."

They cost more than his car and he was throwing them around like they were bought at JC Penny.

"I'm doing you a huge favor, remember that."

I narrowed my eyes, he was mocking me. He wasn't doing me a favor at the present time. He was torturing me.

I got in the car. It smelled rather musk. I got up my make-up kit out of my bag.

"Why does woman think they need that shit?"

Shikamaru asked me. It was obviously that looking good was not a concern of his. He had never needed to. He had always relied on his brains.

"To bring out beauty in every corner and crinkle of my face."

I smacked my lips after adding lip-gloss. I put my glasses back on even if it the sun had gone down, I was tired.

"We're going to the BBQ,"

Shikamaru explained what didn't need explaining. I nodded. I was more concerned about my clothes than were we were going. I should have worn my six inch heels, not the four and a half ones. I should not have dressed so comfortably in my Lanvin jumpsuit. It was black with a high waist, on the top it was golden beneath the lace. It was beautiful, but it did not have the wow-factor I had wanted.

Some childish part of me still needed to be better than Sakura. Leaving me to hope I made an impression when I walked in the restaurant.

High heels, designer clothes, glowing skin, luscious long blond hair and a body I almost died for.

I walked like I would on the red carpet. I slowly pulled my sunglasses off and smiled in front to the group Shikamaru had showed me to. There was nothing natural about me and I loved it. I was a supernatural being. I wasn't like them and would never be.

The group contained two new girls and a guy. I smiled as wide as my face would allow me and blinked with my eyelashes. I had gotten extensions and straightened them before I left the city, I had desperately missed the spa locked down in the clinic. It had been good practice for this summer trying to look at the bright side.

I heard one of the new girls say wow. I made sure they saw my Hermes bag and they did.

"No way pig! Is that the Crocodile red Birkin bag?!"

Sakura yelled out. I could feel the awe in her tone and see the envy in her eyes.

"Oh yes, I got it as a thank you for a shoot I did for Hermes. It's still a wait list on it, forehead girl."

The pig stung deep, but I did not let it show and answered like I was talking about the weather and not a $200.000 purse. It gave me great satisfaction that she had noticed my purse, it did not look like she had even bothered to bring one herself.

"The new guy is Sai, then there's Tenten that we went to school with if you remember her and last and most importantly, my girlfriend Temari."

A genuine smile appeared on his face.

Tenten was like I remembered her, but without braces. She still was not up to my standard. She looked sweet and innocent, brown hair in buns, cute face, pink shirt. She did had potential, I had to give her that.

Temari had spiky hair like her boyfriend in the color of sand, boring and out of style in other words. Her dress was in a pale pink and she had, ew, fishnet stockings. I could not believe she used fishnet stockings with that dress.

Sai was like a less hot and pale version of Sasuke, wasn't really more to say.

"Has anyone ever told you that you were the most beautiful thing they've ever seen?"

this Sai guy asked. I smiled again.

"It's more or less daily occurrence, but thank you."

I must come across as a stuck up, arrogant and spoiled bitch, just like in high school. I did not mind, this is how I wanted to come off. Better than them in every single way. I wanted to be feared and looked up to. I didn't come here to make friends.

It helped on the sting seeing Sakura and Sasuke sitting next to each other had made. I did not know the deal with them yet. I would not allow myself to ask about it, I would pretend to care so little that I did not even notice them. That they had not broken my heart and made feel worthless, like they were not responsible for the worst day in my life I would never admit that.

Worst day in my life pre heart stop, that was a new personal best.

The group made room for Shikamaru and me. I sat at the edge.

"I do not know about you guys, but I'm starving!"

Naruto yelled out. Nothing new there.

The waiter slowly made his way over to our table. His name tag read Neji. Everyone ordered dinner and a few even appetizers. They were all insane. Did they not care about themselves?

"I was a cup of black coffee, no milk and absolutely no sugar or cream whipped or liquid and a cup of green tea, no sugar, no cream, no milk and no honey. Just coffee and tea, no sugar or sweetening."

He raised his eyebrow at my order. It wouldn't surprise me if he spat in my cup after that order. I just needed to be sure that my drinks were given to me plain.

I told the group that traveling so far had made my stomach upset. The Temari girl told it as it was, she wasn't shy.

"It's a known for fact that model girls like you don't eat! You don't know how to enjoy yourself,"

Shikamaru sent her a look. I was shocked because it was true and she had called it. The part about not enjoying themselves was wrong though. I had never been more pleased in my life.

I was sure Shikamaru already had put two and two together. He might not have been the one I spent the most time with before I left, but he was the one who understood me the most. He was the one who was always there for me. I was sure he already knew without even touching the subject.

"Itachi is coming down next week; he said he hadn't seen you in months, Ino."

It was Sasuke speaking. I had not told Itachi that I had left town, I had hardly told anyone. They slowly figured though, it was not like I had tried to hide where I had ended up. He should have known why he hadn't seen me in a while. Word did get around and I had done my part spreading it.

"I know. I went to rehab. It was kinda messy so there was no going away party to put it that way."

Everyone who knew me seemed shocked, but not like they hadn't expected this of me. To come home a loser, a failure with my tail between my legs.

They thought I didn't have what it took when it turned out I had too much of it.

"Ino pig!"

Sakura yelled. She was against anything fun and wrong. Always had been and always would be.

"It was just some coke, guys relax."

It had just been some coke every day, several times a day the month before my heart had stopped.

_There's no time for rest if you want to be a success._

The food came before anyone said anything else. I decided to eat something when they ordered their main, I ordered a salad without dressing, no cheese and croutons of any kind.

I hated eating out and not knowing what I ate. I hated people watching me knowing what I ate and how much. I could not stand anyone looking at me.

The tea had zero calories, the coffee two and the salad would have around 50.

I still had control. I would have to eat some more when I got home when I was alone.

I had gotten a meal plan for the clinic that I had no intention of even trying to follow, it was crazy.

There was some small chitchat around the table. Apparently Naruto had started dating some unknown girl, Kiba was dating the cousin of waiter Neji, Tenten had some interest for Neji but he never paid her attention. By the way he looked I was not shocked that he would not notice a girl.

Shikamaru and Temari was an item, Sai seemed to be single or else I felt sorry for his girlfriend.

"We're having a summer wedding!"

Sakura screamed at me. I almost shattered. All through high school we had argued and fought about Sasuke. Now that she had him, it felt like I had lost. I had promise never to let myself lose in love to Sakura. It didn't matter that I had no interest in Sasuke, what mattered that I didn't have him.

I could do nothing but smile and congratulate her, the rock on her ring was huge. I was surprised I had not seen it earlier.

Sasuke's family had old money. Itachi's mother had supported him in the start when he moved out of New York. His father had not liked it, thought it was a foolish thing to do. I bet he was eating his own words now.

In my world wedding rings where just as much worth as a fake Chanel purse and nobody paid any attention to the whole meaning of marriage.

I knew I did not.

I had been with married men with no guilt about it, not my table.

"How about you Ino-pig, you came here alone."

Sakura was gloating.

"Oh, he's back in the big city. You guys we have the cutest story of how we met! My model friend had gotten an invitation to an exclusive party. I stumbled in where I instantly saw him. He was talking business, but we kept catching each other's eyes. When he was done talking to them he tried to hit on me, even if I was new in the game and frankly quite fat. He used to do that to all the new girls, to see who was worthy of his time. I ran for it, I just dashed. So he ended up using over a week to track me down, and when he did find me he invited me to his office. He's a photographer, and we've been lovers and co-workers ever since. I owe everything to him and he's so ah!.."

I ended in a childish way leaving out snorting coke in a bathroom and open zippers and erections. The truth was that we were slipping apart since I went away. He fueled my inner demons, but I hope I had Sakura beat.

I knew I did, there was a purpose to telling how we had met. She had met Sasuke crying covered in mud. He had been part of the group bullying her.

"Your life seems perfect!"

Tenten said mesmerized by my stories of famous people and fashion weeks in Europe.

"It's all fake and plastic. She's just out of fucking rehab!"

Temari said angrily. I did not want to comment on that.

"It's not for everyone; excuse me, too much tea."

I got up and went to the bathroom.

I was tired, I wanted to go to sleep. I had texted my father that I had bumped in to Shikamaru and would be late.

He was thrilled, our fathers are best friends. They always rooted for us ending up together; I let out a small laugh. Like he would ever be interested in someone like me.

I rubbed my arm winched as I figured out why it had been itching. I pulled up the sleeve of my jumpsuit to look down at a purple bruise.

Deidara did not take too kindly to me going away for the summer. He wanted me to stay, he would help me with what I ate and we could keep working. I could not do that, I was exhausted.

I needed a break from it all. I had almost died and he wanted to go on like nothing.

We often had fights that got out of control. We were both passionate people. We never meant to harm the other, we just lost our temper once every now and then. It was what made us cope, what made us perfect together. We were perfect and I loved him.

I was Barbie and he was my sunny Ken.

I heard steps on the other side of the door as I was checking my make-up.

"I couldn't believe it when they said you were coming back, I did not even believe it when you walked in. You look so good, just a bit on the thin side,"

she bad to add the thin part. I hugged her.

"Thank you Sakura, you look good too. You'll make such a perfect wife!"

I always pictured Sakura getting married and becoming a stay at home mom.

"Thank you, everything is going so great! I'm getting my license soon too, who would have thought. I will be a doctor and wife."

Pang!

I had been shot . I would have nothing in a few years, my looks would fade and my clothes go out of style while she had her life figured out. Not that I had ever pictured I'd make it that far that my beauty would start to fade.

"I never actually believed in you."

Pang!

"But you're a famous model now, I hope it was all worth it!"

Pang!

"Oh, of course, Sakura. I had accomplished all my dreams even before I had barely turned twenty, at such a young age, can you believe that?"

Pang! I shot back.

"I'm too much of an adventurer; I needed to see the world. I would not let me tie down by a ring. Still Deidara adores me more than life itself."

Pang!

Sakura smiled, I must have shot her dead. I washed my hands and gave her a smile as I exited leaving her alone with just her reflection as company.

"I'm not going to be nice, why should I? She's a total bitch."

I heard Temari's voice around the corner.

"She's going through a rough time, it would not hurt to lighten up."

Kiba always had my back.

"She never said she would come back, then why is she here?"

Tenten asked. I must have been the table topic since I had left.

"Because she's a fucking drughead loser who's too blind to see that nobody but her likes her and I hope she starves herself to death with her model diet, trip on the catwalk and crash her soft baby head to pieces."

I had no idea why Temari was so mean, hoping I would die was too much. I was used to death threats and slander. I could deal with it coming from strangers, but this was the girlfriend of my childhood friend talking to the rest of my childhood friends. It stung more than what Sakura had pulled in the bathroom.

"I smoke dope every now and then; you don't call me a drughead or loser. What I'm thinking is that she's a little unbalanced right now. She needs our support. I'm going to give her all of mine, I love that girl, I still care for her no matter how much of a jerk she's been."

I walked in before anyone could respond.

"We should put a fucking bell on you."

Temari yelled out.

"I think I'm going to head back to, eh Inoichi. I'm tired and don't want to break up the party. I'll get a cab."

Shikamaru was up on his feet before I was finished speaking. "I'm tired too, I'll give you a lift." It was unlike him to be this helpful, he must be really worried. He didn't even kiss Temari goodbye. Unlike my normal behavior I followed him like a stray dog.

"Do you think I'm a nutcase?"

I asked him while we were driving. I was almost afraid he would lose control for a second.

"No, Ino. No, you just need rest and to work out some issues."

I held my fingers around my wrist. Bones, I felt strong and in control again.

"You must be like, I don't know, 100 pounds, 45 kilo."

I laughed outwardly and cried on the inside.

"I'm 43 kilo, I'm 94 pounds." I said with a hint of pride. He let out a frustrated sigh.

"That's insane Ino, you're nothing. Literally almost nothing. Don't kill yourself over this. You've always been the most beautiful girl I've known, but now. Not after you started with all that dieting. Not like this."

I narrowed my eyes. I never thought anyone could do that. Find me pretty even if I was a fat failure.

I sent a good night text to Deidara. My phone buzzed and I did not bother looking at it. I was still in shock.

Someone could find me beautiful even at my worst. Someone did not judge beauty by how many bones were sticking out.

He had found beauty in me before I went on my never ending diet.


	4. Deino

Father must have gone to bed when I had returned. He was nowhere to be seen. Shikamaru was kind and brought my luggage up to my room. Nothing had changed, not the room, just the girl looking back at me in the vanity.

Deep down in my mind I knew that was not healthy, that I was too skinny. I hardly ever let that part talk. The one that called me fat, unsuccessful and a failure on the other hand.

I put a blanket over the mirror and unpacked. Father must have made our old maid Anko clean my room and put sheets on my bed. I did not complain at all.

I undressed and jumped under the covers. I let my gaze run freely, letting my fingers slide over my hips trying to sooth me. It had been a long journey, and a painful dinner.

Their words hurt more than I was willing to admit. I was only used to being admired and praised. It had done something to me. It made me feel something I thought I had stopped feeling. Something I had not felt since I was once again a scared and uncertain teenage girl.

Nobody adored my bones in this hick town.

* * *

Sakura was ranting about Ino, Sasuke knew that. He let her, she did not even know if he was listening and that didn't stop her.

"And then she was like, I'm an adventurer, I go on safaris and keep a jetpack under my bed. I'm not jealous of her lifestyle, not the slightest." I was trying to convince myself. I was jealous. Jealous of how every man looked at Ino, even now when she looked sick. Now she needed saving and they would love to jump in and convince her that she was beautiful and that they could make her happy.

I never had the discipline Ino had. That's why I would throw up my meals in high school and Ino would skip them. I had been certain she would win prom queen but I had won it. I had made Ino leave town too afraid to come back. I had won my hometown and I enjoyed that. This small town was not enough for the both of us.

I ran this place now.

I was the beautiful friendly one who had everything you ever wanted.

"You don't love her anymore, do you?" I was uncertain asking the love of my life. She was still Ino and she had taken everything she wanted in the past, including my fiance.

"Not even like someone is supposed to have lingering feelings for their first girlfriend. There's nothing. I'm happy I dropped her and went for the diamond." He kissed me on my neck. His kisses were always so warm and comforting. I purred from hearing those words and the soft kisses on my neck.

Competing with Ino might be stupid; while we were fighting for the same thing in their teens we had grown up now and had different goals and ambitions.

Ino was a model without a college degree; I would soon be a doctor.

Ino clearly still had an eating disorder; I had the man they had been fighting over.

I had won. I smiled and looked up at my stash and tiara. It had been the best night of my life. The face on Ino when she didn't get called on stage, her face when I danced with Sasuke. I wished I could have seen her face when I was comforting him with my tongue. Ino deciding to leave town, Sasuke leaving Ino for me, Ino getting so drunk she made out with Shikamaru breaking his heart.

It had been my biggest victory in life.

She did not even remember what she had confessed to him the next morning, too drunk. She had broken Shikamaru badly, and monthly sent him fuck you's through her modeling career.

He might be with Temari, but even she knew she was Shikamaru's second choice. I thoroughly feel awful for him.

I got off bed and did what I used to do several times since Ino moved. I typed Ino Yamanaka into Google. Several pictures showed up, millions actually. All showed the female edition of perfection.

Her older pictures were happier than the newer ones. Just a year ago she had a glow and dimples. She would often be seen on the red carpet with her boyfriend Deidara. I can't understand how she could go from being madly in love with Sasuke to Shikamaru to being with this man.

I would never trade Sasuke for him, sure he was more fit than Sasuke, had better cheek bones and hair. He was also the owner of Akatsuki publishing. He had helped Sasukes brother publish his book. He produced and owned anything related to Ino. She was in essence his property. She even had her own blog published at his company's webpage. Never would I want that instead of the calm and quiet life I have with Sasuke.

She had not been shy about her going to rehab. Her last post was posted months ago. She was in her underwear; Deidara must have taken a picture of her snorting coke. The title just read _Rehab is for Quitters_. Under her picture she had written "_See you on the outside darlings_." Her make-up was smudged, her eyes dark, but she was smiling as if she was happy and laughing. Her bones were poking out.

She looked sick. She looked good, that was what really disgusted me. She would have looked awful had it not been for her obvious fake boobs and muscular butt. Her father had paid for her plastic surgery. She had told everyone about it, she had even let a few special men feel them.

Ino's dad was the kind of dad that gave her daughter breast implants for her eighteenth birthday. He had no boundaries and poor judgment when it came to his daughter. He might have thought that if he gave her everything she wanted, she would not kill herself like his wife did.

Inoichi was a kind man who had experienced so much more pain than he had deserved. I still remembered the day they found her body by the shore. It was by the local airport that is why Ino is terrified of flying, especially flying to and from their local airport. She's never told us but Shikamaru had it all figured out. He used to have her all figured out.

Ino had never cried hearing her daddy tell her that mommy would never come home again. She had taken the news with grace. She had never since that day let her face show her true feelings. Always hiding behind whatever she wanted to portray to the world. Ino was dangerous.

Sasuke walked up behind me looking down on the computer screen with a frown.

"Are you looking her up again?" I nodded. I was partly obsessed with the phenomena Ino Yamanaka. I could spend hours looking at interviews of her, looking through her pictures and I was even an active member on one of her many fan forums. She used to be my bestfriend before I replaced her with Sasuke. I never talked to her about him, never asked her if she was fine with it. She had known I hocked up with him that night. That was why she went with Shikamaru. I do still feel bad about it.

I traded her and her friendship for Sasuke.

I don't think Ino really knew how popular and famous she is. She was the new Tyra Banks, the new Kate Moss, Ino. She only did modeling though, catwalk and advertising, a few interviews on TV. Yet she acts like the girl she was in high school. Like she has to put on a show to make people look at her. Doesn't she know that everyone is always watching her now? She has no privacy.

Deidara was her manager, he was always behind her. I wish that Sasuke could be more supportive like Deidara was. I did not know just how supportive Deidara actually was making that wish.

They looked perfect together. It-girl, it-boy together they were the it-couple, like Sasuke and I were in our town.

Deidara was a player though. I do not trust him to be faithful. He had been with so many women. I knew that Ino was a virgin when she left. I was probably the only one beside herself that knew. Ino put on this act about being promiscuous. Ino was a prude when it came to sex, it was special to her. She was the romantic type. She was sure there was only one true love for her out there and she had been saving the deepest physically and physical bond they could share for him.

Deidara did not seem to share that view. The list of models he had been with before was beyond long. I had looked up each one of them. Most of them were beyond skinny and blond, like Ino. None of them as beautiful or as skinny. None of them had reached the same heights as Ino.

What made him stay with her I did not know. It might have been the money he must be making because of her. Still it didn't seem like any of them needed additional money.

I had access to some money myself. Sasukes family had some money, nowhere near what Deino must have had though. It must be magical being as well off, famous and pretty as Ino. I turned off the computer knowing she had something Ino did not have.

I had her fomer boyfriend by her side, my fiancé.

I had slept in the next morning. Sasuke had left and the spot next to me was cold when I woke up alone. I hated that he was such a morning person. I got out of bed and slipped straight into my slippers. I made myself a bowl of cereal and turned on her computer.

I had gotten a mail telling me that Ino had posted an entry on her blog. I followed the link straight to her blog. It was a little too early in the morning for what I saw. White walls, white floor, a single mattress with a white sheet carelessly thrown over it. Deidara was on all four above Ino. He was only wearing a boxer, a white boxer. She on the other hand was dressed in a thong, corset with garters and all in black. The way they were looking into each other's eyes was intense. Her corset was diamond encrusted, she was the main focus in the picture, she was sparkling.

Deidara had a thin layer of oil on his body, making it easy to see how fit he actually was. I felt like I could see every muscle of his, his six-pack just visible. Ino was also wearing five inch black heels, red underneath told me that they were probably by Christian Louboutin. She had wrapped her legs around him.

The picture was screaming sex. She looked so fragile with the strong man above her. The picture was so gripping that I would not be able to get it out of my mind. Not that I had tried. It was hot. The symbolism so clear, he was the angel and Ino the temptress.

"_Missing my sunshine extra much this morning_

_Shine on forever  
Shine on, benevolent sun_

_Shine down upon the broken_  
_Shine until the two become one_

_Shine on upon the severed_  
_Shine until the two become one_

_Divided, I wither away_  
_Divided, I wither away_

_Shine down upon the many_  
_Light our way, benevolent sun_

_Breathe in union_  
_Breathe in union_  
_So, as one, survive another day a_nd season

_I hope you haven't stopped eating with worry lovelies. Sorry for leaving you out to hang like that. No I'm not sick, quitting my modeling and Deino are stronger than ever even though I miss him. Those are all just rumors. I'm especially looking at you Perez Hilton. Boo-hoo, I went to rehab. I'm already over it. _

_Due to family reasons I'm spending my summer in hickville. So I need you darlings to go out in the city streets and show off your newest summer dresses, have some ice cream and macrons, sip on a cold latte and listen to the city buzz. Ah, how I miss it all. I'm off to comfort shop the whole Gucci summer line. Desperate times calls for desperate measures. _

_Love you each and all, to be heard from soon, _

_Ino"_

She had used her standard signature, a lowercase i with a heart over it. There was actually nothing unusual about it. There was nothing out of the ordinary, except that it was written within fifteen minutes walking distance from my house.

I had to admit at least to myself that I was a bit star struck by Ino.

* * *

I had talked to Deidara on the phone. It felt good hearing his voice again, I had missed him. More than I thought I would do. He had also missed me, and I believed that. We had never been apart when we left on bad terms.

Deidara had apologized, and said he understood my point. He had agreed that we would try. I was at a crucial point in life, disappearing was not an option. I would take on a few shoots. If he came down to take pictures of me or if I came to him did not really matter. We had talked about it in great extent when all I wanted to hear him say was that he missed me again.

I was left with something better, he had said that he was worried about me, and it did not sound like when he usually does it. Normally he is worried about me because I had gained some weight, or that I had said the wrong thing to the wrong person.

This "I'm worried about you," was different. Sincere, concerned and worried. He said further on that he had a surprise for me. He refused to give me any hints to what it was. Then he had to go, he was working. He had signed another model right after I was admitted.

I it worried me. It had been years since he had started working with someone new. Not since me. I was worried; I knew how he used to approve models worthy of his attention. Still I refused to think that he would cheat on me.

I knew that he loved me. He had never said it, but I knew. He did not need to say if. I knew it in my heart that he loved me, and if he loved me he would never do anything to break my heart. We were strong and in love.


	5. Another Girl

Saturday night at the local bar seemed just as sad as I thought it would be.

"It's so odd that this is what we dreamt of when we were kids." I laughed turning towards Shikamaru. Temari had not showed up yet. She had a closing shift at the gas station. The place was still quiet. It was still early and no one had wanted to have pre-drinks with me, they had not even heard about it.

I was sipping on my light beer. I was now up to 270 calories for that day. Sasuke and Sakura had also showed up so far. It was not like I had anything better to do that evening so I was ready when Shikamaru picked me up.

Not knowing the dress code I had gone for my Lolita dress in a dark crème and salmon colored top, the belt with a bow, a navy blue Saint Laurent blazer with the most flattering and feminine cut. Six inch Love Me leather and suede heels from Charlotte Olympia. I threw my large, white Burberry cashmere scarf around my neck as Shikamaru had honked outside the house. I was constantly cold.

Sakura and Sasuke were already there when we arrived.

"Is this how good it gets around here?" I asked out loud.

"More or less," Sakura muttered. I finished her beer. If I drank too much tonight I could decide against eating at all the next morning.

"So this is what you do on a regular Saturday evening, for fun?" Sasuke eyed the pool table.

"It is what it is." Sasuke challenged Shikamaru when I turned towards the bar.

"I'm going to need a couple of more beers to make it through this night." Sakura and I walked over to the bar.

"I really want you to know that I'm so sincerely happy for you and Sasuke." I took her hand looking closely at her ring. I was conflicted. Sure I was speaking the truth. I was conflicted because I was not sure if some part of me wanted this for myself.

The shady, brown local bar, the engagement ring, I was sure she was already thinking about children, I did not even know if I could have children. I let go of her hand and downed my beer in one sip. Sakura did not know I had that in me.

"Promise me, please. Don't take him." Her plea was low and sincere. I laughed waiting for my next beer.

"To be honest, I'm so over him it should be him worrying about me stealing you away from him." Her pink hair had always excited me. It was true. I had no feelings whatsoever for the raven haired man.

"And I keep repeating myself, but I'm so madly in love with Deidara." I was not sure anymore if I was or if I was trying to convince myself. Too scared of the consequences if I did not love him anymore.

"Want to do shots?" I eagerly asked Sakura. I should not have, I was already intoxicated from the beer. Oh, and think of the calories. Ino pig. The voice inside my head kept screaming. I did another shot to shut that bitch up.

I got up and moved over to what was supposed to be the dancefloor. I dragged Sakura along with me. She was more modest in her moves. I danced like my life depended on it. I waved my hair, grinded against Sakura.

I loved and hated her. I would never stop comparing myself to her. It was so wrong. We had grown so widely apart.

"This might sound stupid," I muttered. I had her attention, she nodded.

"I have a blog, and would you mind if I took some pictures for it?" Had I only known the joy and pride she felt in that moment. How she had looked through pictures from parties earlier and now she was going to be in one of them.

I had my camera out. She slowly nodded and I planted a hungry kiss on her lips. Camera snapping pictures, it would capture her shock. I enjoyed it. She tasted sweet, like the high carb, girly drinks she had been drinking. I bit down on her bottom lip and pulled it letting it go before it would hurt her.

"What the hell was that about?" Sakura muttered.

"It looks good," was my good and honest response. "It also felt good,"

I teased licking my lips. I was utterly shitfaced long before everyone else.

I left Sakura on the dancefloor. Sasuke and Shikamaru had seen the whole show and were unsure how to react.

"Did my fiancé just cheat on me when I enjoyed watching?" Sasuke laughed.

"Ino is totally out of control," Shikamaru shook his head.

I did not pay them any attention. I was more worried about putting back on some lip gloss. When I came back out again it seemed like they were all there. I could not have been in there too long. I had tried calling Deidara and I must admit it was to whine.

He did not pick up and it made me even more nervous. I had to trust him, trust him to not hurt me and I was horrified by the idea. I had downed a glass of water before asking for another beer. I walked over to the group around the pool table.

"Do you spend many hours a week on your butt?" Sai wanted to know. It was not the first time anyone has asked me that.

"Too many, but if you're asking how many hours I use exercising it still too many, four or five hours to be precise. Just my butt." He nodded. It did not seem like the group used to answer his questions like that, I was used to questions like these.

"Enjoying yourself, tiger?" Shikamaru sniggered, so did Sasuke.

"Yes, very much so." The beer and shots had suddenly and finally almost given me a sweet careless bliss. I felt like the energetic child its parents had to pay extra close attention to. It was not like I was going to do something.

They were all waiting for me to misbehave. I already had, I had been snorting from my last bag of cocaine in the bathroom. It had all started taking effect seconds ago.

I was Zen, with some extra energy. I also knew I was fragile. The worst thing about ending up at that clinic had been becoming aware of just how sick I was. I knew I needed to eat, I knew I was killing myself, and then there was the other me who wanted to curl up and cry, never to eat again because I had been doing shots.

None of the pieces in my life fit anymore, not since I had shattered.

"Oh, where's Naruto?" I had not noticed that he was missing.

"Probably pissing," Kiba yelled out. I had wanted to take a picture of all of them, not to promote myself on my blog, but because I wanted to keep the memory.

"Is that a Tory Burch, Thea bag?!"

Tenten yelled out pointing to my shoulder bag. I shrugged; I did not even know why I had brought it.

"I'll trade you! It really doesn't go along with my outfit!"

Her jaw dropped. To me it was nothing. I was spoiled. I felt sick to my stomach because of it. I was used to getting everything I wanted, not because I deserved it but because I was me.

"You're kidding to my face! I spent ten dollar on this plastic, and that bag is five hundred or more!"

It did not matter to me. I wanted to be liked. I needed Tenten to adore me; a cheap purse was a bargain.

"It would look so much better with our outfit than mine."

It was true, she was wearing a royal blue bandage dress. Her purse was a pastel pink. It was an awful combination. I emptied my purse on the table, credit card, dollar bills, keys, phone and make-up.

My cocaine was safe between my breasts. Tenten was quick to do the same. Her purse was a mess, she had everything in it. As I had assumed her label read H&amp;M.

"Take care of her,"

I said as I handed her over. Temari snorted, I had not even seen her.

"You can't buy friends, you can't buy us!"

* * *

Temari did not know who Ino was. They had never met before she saw her at the restaurant. She had heard stories about Ino. Temari had grown up in the neighboring town, but she had never been with what you could call the popular group. She had never once been to a party in high school. She had been invited to a few but she never went.

People at her school had known who she was. Temari hated everything the popular group stood for. She hated her high heels, their short revealing outfits, their perfect silky hair, their painted faces, their perfect boyfriends, their values and moral.

She could not understand why one would waste their life trying to make people jealous of them, promoting themselves as the standard everyone should follow, as pure perfection. Temari was not jealous of Ino because she had made a living of being the most popular girl in high school.

Temari knew that Shikamaru cared for her, that he loved her, but he also loved Ino.

The frail girl who was living dead, the unhappy plastic Barbie doll who had lost her place in the world.

She corrupted their generation with drugs and designer purses. How easily fooled her friends had been was revolting. Tenten was bought with a purse. She knew Ino used to be Sakura's best friend. Still Sakura had almost only told her bad things about Ino.

Temari was not jealous of Ino, not her career, fame, wealth, clothes nor her body. Temari would never want that. When she went on her way home she could stop and get some take-out, she did not have to wear uncomfortable clothes and she did not sell herself the way Ino did.

She felt pitty for Ino, but she hated her. Temari was jealous because Shikamaru loved her.

Ino had not bothered answering her; she was now mounting along with the Beatles song dancing. Temari was boiling. She tried starting a make-out session with Shikamaru, but he was not interested.

They had not been boyfriend and girlfriend since Ino had showed up. Shikamaru was being eaten up with worry about Ino. Why she had come, why she was staying so long? Temari knew. Ino had fallen from grace. She was a pitiful shell of a human being. She was anorexic. She screamed eating disorder. She screamed mental patient.

She was chatting with Shikamaru and Tenten now. Temari was talking with Sakura keeping her eye in Ino. She was paying attention to her. She trusted Shikamaru, but she did not trust Ino.

Sakura was talking about how hard it was picking colors for her weeding. Had it been another time Temari might have faked some interest. She knew Sakura was going to pick pink, that Sasuke would not be pleased. Sasuke loved her more than getting his pick of colors though. Their weeding day was just for Sakura.

Sasuke wanted children, a family. Sakura would not have children before she was married. It did not mean that Sasuke never had wanted to get married; he just wasn't in a rush.

Temari had been the new member in their group, now Ino was the new old one.

"It's all good, she won't do anything. Don't worry; she's in love with her man. She would not try anything."

Sakura knew Temari was concerned.

"Ino has never had any interest in Shika, except that night."

Sakura did not know that she had made it all worse, that's why Temari flew when she saw Ino's leg stroke against Shikamaru's sitting by the bar.

Her fist quickly connected with Ino's face.

It had not been a slap, it had been a punch. Shikamaru jumped up and got ahold of Temari before she could do any further damage. Kiba had rushed over and helped Ino back on her feet. They were all around the two of them.

Ino held her hand to her head. That was going to hurt and bruise.

"What the hell?!" Ino was ready to fight back.

"Stay off my man! Just because yours went and fucked some model slut does not mean that mine will!"

Ino's face screamed shock and disbelief, Temari had her. She had hurt and humiliated her more that she did with her fist.

"Yeah, it's all over the web! He got some strange while you're stuck in this town you think you're too good for! He doesn't love you, neither does Shikamaru!"

* * *

I dashed. I ran. I could not keep appearances up. Running in heels and a corset slowed me down. I had nowhere to go. I had no one. Tears streamed down.

The air outside was still. My world had crashed. I stopped and took off my heels. No one had cared enough to storm after me. I was alone in this world.

I could die and no one would miss me. I tried to get my act together.

I threw up behind the gas station.

Why was I so quick to believe her? It could have been just something she had said to hurt me. They were Deino, he would never do anything to hurt me. Never.

I got a hold of myself.

Once you make it big, you're always modeling Deidara had told me when I got my first picture in Vogue. Bum out, chest out and chin held high, the world is your catwalk.

I got a cab and went straight to my dad's. He was having guys night with Shikamaru's dad and some of the guys from the station. I went straight to my laptop. It was everywhere. Him leaving the club holding her hand, it looked like they were making-out in their town car. It did not have to mean anything. Holding hands was not cheating, the kissing could be the angle the picture was shot.

Right?

I needed to call him. I needed him to tell me that the idea had not even entered his mind that I was the only one good enough for him, that I was his girl. I picked up my phone and called him. My heart jumped with joy when I heard him answer, just that it wasn't him.

"Hey! Deidara is still in bed if he isn't in the shower yet, do you want me to go get him?"

Her voice was chirpy, like she had just screwed the biggest suit in the modelling world. My world shattered.

"No there's no need, but could you take a message for me?"

Stone cold again, my voice did not even shake. The girl on the other side of the line did not even bother answering me with words she just mhm'ed.

"Tell Deidara to pack all my shit in a box. I'll send him the address tomorrow. As for you, I'll fuck your life up when you least expect it. I'll screw you over so bad that you own family might just disown you. I'm case you're wondering, this is Ino, bitch."

I ended the call.

I would fuck that girl up, I swore on my diet. I would make her burn for what she had done. That did not help now though. I broke down in my dad's darkened kitchen. Over a decade worth of tears where pressing through my eyes. I could not let them fall.

I got my bag of coke and snorted it all at once. I started bleeding from my nose. I did not give a shit though. It got in my mouth. I wondered if blood contained any calories. I did not care. I turned around I couldn't possible stay still in a moment like this.

I needed to fill the empty feeling.

It was not the empty feeling I felt when I had not eaten. This feeling was not caused by an empty stomach. This was the making of an empty heart. I had never binge eaten before. I was not like the other models that ate their food with laxatives or purged. I had kept away from it all.

This time I needed to fill the soaring gap with something. I ran through all the cupboards in the kitchen.

Crisps, nachos, chocolate, full fat mayo and whipped cream. Things I had not eaten in years. Things I would devour now.

My top five NO.

Tears still were still pressing wanting to fall down my face. I had spent years with that whore monger. He had crushed me in one lay.

_Don't worry babe, it's only you. I haven't looked at her in any way than professional. It's just that with you gone all summer I need to replace you. Babe, don't worry. You're my girl_.

I cried out. My best years, I had given him my best years, my career. I had given him my heart!

I did not know what to do, where to go from here? Do I forgive him? Could I forgive him? Could I continue working for him?

I sprayed cream directly into my mouth. Someone was the door. It was probably my dad coming home early. I wanted things to go back. Back to when I was a girl. I was a daddy's girl. I still was, but now I had only my daddy.

I tried containing myself again. I needed daddy to hold me. I needed him to tell me it would all be okay. He had not done that since before mother had left. He did not know if anything would ever be all okay since that. He did not want to make me a promise he could not hold.

My life had also ended that day. I had to get a new one, become someone else. I stopped eating, I felt power and I felt like I had control. Hunger would never leave me, she would never disappear. She was always by my side and reminded me that I was somehow alive.

I heard the door from the hallway open. I did not care how I looked, daddy had seen me at my worst and I had felt safe with him. I ran over and hugged him.

It was not my dad.

It was a smaller, younger body. He smelled like late game nights, bad movies and friendship. It was Shikamaru. He had come for me, he cared about me. I suddenly felt my stomach turn, it all happened too fast. I hugged him.

I felt my stomach turning again. This was something else though. Something entirely different and not relating to Deidara bedding someone else. I broke off the hug with Shikamaru. I couldn't keep it down. I had to let it all out. I hurled on his feet.


	6. The Day of Remorse

I heard someone talking. I had awoken in what felt like my bed next to another body. I could certainly feel something soft and warm.

"I'm sorry about closing the door, Sir."

It was Shikamaru.

"Oh no, don't be son. My daughter is a grown woman now, I trust her to do what is right."

Daddy. I yawned and stretched.

"Awake princess?"

I smiled, I felt safe for once. No matter how bad things turned out father and Shikamaru would always be there for me and they would help me as life went on.

"Yes, daddy."

Shikamaru shifted, my head rested on his chest.

Last night, it all came back to me, I felt my heart sink to my stomach and disappear. No, that was not my heart. This felt awfully a lot like last night. I jumped off bed and ran to the bathroom to throw up.

"Still prefer pecan pancakes?"

Father asked blatantly ignoring the sounds of his hungover daughter hurling in the room next door. I might even have some pancakes I thought with my head over the shitter.

"Yes, Sir, please."

Shika was so polite, always had been.

"No need to sir me."

I heard daddy leave humming down the hallway. There was a knock on the door. I flushed and opened. I did not know what to say, neither did he. I finished brushing my teeth and turned around. I burst out in a sincere laughter because no words could explain.

Shikamaru was wearing my old silk Hello Kitty lounge pants.

"I'm sorry about that! I really am."

I felt much better today, still sad and now hung over. Shika had come for me, and it made it all better.

"What did you expect troublesome woman, you hurled all over me!"

He started laughing himself.

We both knew we weren't ready to talk about last night. We just knew. We were still that close. Shikamaru and me had always communicated almost on a different level. I could tell by just looking at him, but we were ready for pancakes. That needed addressing first.

Downstairs all my snacks, what was left of it, had been packed away. The floor smelled clean. Shikamaru must have washed it. He was a true champion.

Dad had already started making pancakes. I had already smelled it in the air coming downstairs. It all smelt so familiar.

"I can't wait for pancakes!"

I yelled out. This would have been an ordinary Sunday morning ten years ago. Shikamaru often spent the weekends on my bedroom floor when his mother worked weekends and I would be at his place when mother had left.

"Remember that night you had been so cold that you came up in my bed and I kicked you out in my sleep?"

I asked Shikamaru. He had gotten very angry at the time. I could certainly understand it but how could he be blaming me when I had been sleeping?

"It was so cold, but you were even colder."

He shook his head and our laugh filled the room making father smile.

I helped myself to a pancake. I inspected the sugar free syrup and approved it. I should not be eating today. I had taken too many shots last night. The other part of me told me to eat as much as I wanted. I needed to gain weight, just some to get back to working.

I cut my pancake in tiny pieces. That way it would seem more to the others and it would take longer to eat. Shikamaru raised his eyebrows, daddy acted like nothing. I knew the clinic had sent him pamphlets so that he would know how to deal with is crazy daughter.

I wondered if he was ashamed of me, if he did not like me as much as he used to because I was so foolish. He did not know what beauty was, he did not know what I needed to do to obtain it. Shikamaru had eaten six pancakes by the time I had finished my one. That was twice as much as I had agreed with myself to eat. I was ashamed and disappointed in myself.

I rubbed my bones. They were still there, I could feel them. The pancake had not changed anything. Daddy asked if he needed to make anymore or if we were full. I knew what he was doing, he was offering, not commenting on what I had or had not eaten.

I had broken into his room the first night to read through the papers they had sent him. I needed to know what kind of tricks he had been armed with. I had also read my release form and what they had jotted down about my condition. _Clearly strongly disarranged body image. Neither detected suicidal thoughts nor any self-harm. Dehydrated and severely underweight, deadly. No harm to internal organs, yet._

I was full, I could not shake the horrible feeling it gave me. Ino pig. I had been fat as a child, fatter than I had been as a teen and adult. I had hid all my pictures in my bedroom. I hated looking at my thunder thighs. It was like I was made out of lard.

The first thing Tsunade had me obtain in New York was a thigh gap. The wider the gap, the better. Mine was the widest in her catalog when my contract terminated and I went to work exclusively with Deidara. Deidara…

I wondered if I should look if there were some more news, if he had tried to contact me. I had not looked at my phone since I had called him. My public email must be full of people wanting to know every single deeply personal detail. Nobody in the room had mentioned it. That was what mattered at the moment. I could deal with it later breakfast was actually enjoyable.

Shikamaru knew about Deidara, daddy I did not know. In his mind there was only one right guy for me, the one sitting next to me. He had never been interested me in that way. I had been fascinated and curious in my teenage days. He was the perfect, sometimes a complaining and lazy gentleman.

He excused himself and went home soon after the breakfast. I did not mind. I wanted to sulk alone.

* * *

She almost squealed and cried. After the evening ended sooner than planned when they got kicked out of the bar Sakura had went straight home. She had logged on her computer to see if it was true. It was, she had seen the pictures herself, read what they had done inside according to eyewitnesses.

Poor Ino had to be devastated. Besides that issue Sakura was also happy, she gloated. She was somehow delighted. It must pain Ino to be betrayed like that, and Sakura still had Sasuke. He did not even notice other women. They were perfect for each other, and Ino had been cheated on.

Another victory for Sakura, who according to herself she would shortly be in the lead. Perez Hilton had written that the couple seemed pretty intimate; it was all over every gossip site. Sakura had read through them all several times. Nobody had heard anything from Ino. She had not answered her phone or her mail, her manager also refused to comment on the case. Meaning Deidara had not spoken a word either.

Sakura was curious. Their relationship was often in the media. It was a remarkable fairytale story.

Ino had been portrayed as this beautiful, poor small town girl. He the man, who discovered her, believed in her and took her under his wings. Then they fell in love. She was the blond bombshell that tamed the biggest playboy in the fashion industry.

There had been speculations earlier, but they were never any proof and the both of them would deny any rumors straight away. Now they were quiet. Nobody knew anything.

Sakura jumped in her chair when she heard the pling, indicating that she had gotten mail. She was dying with curiosity when she opened it. Ino had posted something on her blog. A million thoughts ran through her head thinking what she might have posted. The page could not load fast enough. Would she confirm or deny? She could not post anything not dealing with the acquisitions.

Sakura screamed making Sasuke rush to the room.

"What is it love, what are you screaming about?"

Sakura just pointed towards her screen. It showed the picture Ino had taken of them yesterday.

They were kissing, Ino holding out her middle finger. The title of the post read _I Mean Shit Happens_ the caption under their picture read _and then __**fucks**__ happens_.

Was Ino insinuating that they had sex last night? Or was she talking about him?

The plot had thickened and Sakura needed to know. She needed to know so badly that she almost called and asked, but she did the second best thing. She called and asked if Ino wanted to grab some remorse milkshakes. To her surprise Ino agreed.

Sakura knew things were bad when Ino had not only come to the creamery first, but she was sipping on a milkshake.

Sakura sat down and gave Ino the most sympathetic face she could manage.

"Oh save it Sakura, I'm here to rage."

A raging Ino was always a good thing, unless her rage was directed towards you. Ino took off her sunglasses, they read Chanel. She had a really black eye. Sakura gasped.

"This mess is so bad that fucking up Temari is hardly on my list, but believe me she will pay. I know she's your friend and all, but, bitch needs to chill!"

Suddenly they were back in high school again. Ino rambling on about who was on her list and why, but what had always interested Sakura the most was the boys. Ino had such strength and passion. She did not let anyone get away with anything.

Sakura remembered when Ino got suspended from school for making a hit and it list. It was pretty detailed and cruel. Hit had not been used in the positive and friendly matter; it was a list over who she thought deserved what Temari gave her anyway.

"What is her problem anyway? It's not like I'm trying to tap Shikamaru. Hell, I grew up with the guy. He's like a brother to me. We grew up together, I would not even think about that."

Sakura had always known why she had always been second next to Ino, now she could not help but to wonder how far Ino would fall.

She contemplated telling Ino the real reason why Temari hated her, but it was not the right time or place.

"Just go and get your milkshake, I feel like a fat failure eating alone."

Her milkshake was soy and fat free, Sakura would go for the real deal. A large one, strawberry. She went back and sat down.

"Sakura, I don't want to compete anymore. I need my best friend. You know, like we used to be."

It must be breaking her to say those words. They had been equals once, a long time ago.

"Sure, I'm always here for you. "

Ino looked like she was about to start crying and took a large sip of her milkshake.

"I gave him my best years, and he went and shagged some unknown whore!"

It was true. It did not feel as good hearing her say that as Sakura thought. She felt nothing but pity and sorrow as a tear started to form in Ino's eye.

"Why would he do that to me? Why was I not enough?"

Ino was eating herself up from the inside. She had made this her fault. He had never done anything wrong; she was not to blame for this.

"It was him who did it, I say fuck him. If he tosses away a diamond for a duck, be glad he did it now and not later."

Ino laughed,

"Yes, she was kinda duck-like."

* * *

I would have to deal with him sooner or later. I had jumped to conclusions last night like everyone else. I had not asked him, but she was offering to walk into his bedroom or shower. He was naked in the shower and our bedroom was private. Our bedroom, it was not ours anymore. This had been a daylong sulk fest.

He had tried calling my phone. I had 17 missed calls from him, even some from Itachi. I knew they were friends, I knew it might be him on the other line.

Before bedtime he texted me.

_please, I can explain._

It must be one hell of an excuse. I could not handle hearing it now. I did not want to hear it. He had hurt me. I just wanted to sleep. If I slept I would not have to worry about food, the amount of calories I had eaten and drunk that weekend and I would not have to deal with Deidara.

* * *

Stupid: I don't know if your name is an insult to me and/or my story, or if you're calling yourself stupid. Neither of those options are good options in my mind. I would have answered your review in a PM, but you didn't dare to use your profile. Assuming you have one.

"_Ino's inner demon eh? tsk, Sakura has Inner in the manga. You just made Ino look pathetic here."_

Ino certainly does have inner demons, she's obviously very mentally ill. Did you not catch up on that? Sakura does have Inner in the manga, why are you mentioning this?

Thank you on the comment about Ino looking pathetic in my story. That's exactly what I'm aiming for, insecure, lacking in self-esteem and delusional.

You're coming off deliberately rude in your review. I honestly don't mind, but someone else might have taken it to heart. I don't understand why anyone would want to hurt a stranger? I feel thoroughly sorry for you and hope you find enough peace and joy in your life to stop trying to hurt people on the internet. May I suggest picking up a meaningful hobby?


	7. A Favn of Roses

We had decided to meet up at the BBQ again. Shikamaru and Temari had not been invited, Sai was busy. I felt bad for splitting up the group like that. I had still not seen Temari since she gave me a black eye. I had not missed her the last four days either.

I had become more or less a local at the BBQ. They always had tea ready when I came. I could drink several cups. I knew that I had gained weight since I came. I did not know how much, daddy had thrown out all the weights in the house having read the pamphlets.

I had done my best not to crack and gone to get one; the sane Ino was encouraging and rooting for me. The sick part was satisfied with telling me it was a good thing; I had become fat like a pig. My weight would have shocked me. Both sides had grown stronger, and their voices louder. There was constant arguing among my two sides. There was no rest.

Last night I was in front of the mirror for hours contemplating weather I was fat or skinny. I wanted to gain weight, but I also wanted to lose weight. Either way I was no longer happy in my skin. My skin did no longer fit perfectly over my bones; it was either too big or too small. It exhausted me. This along with the fact that I was terrified of the future;

I had nothing to fall back on. I had hardly finished high school. I had enough money in the bank to live comfortable, but money in the bank was not equal to having a value and purpose in life. I shifted uncomfortably. I wish everyone could shut up, I wanted inner peace. I wanted just a second of silence.

I needed someone to tell me I was perfect, that I was beautiful. I craved the attention I had gotten in New York. If everyone constantly complimented and praised me everything was good. I could not be sick if the audience loved me. Yet they all betrayed me when I fell. I had gotten flowers and Hallmark sympathy cards to the clinic. Nobody had come to see me; I had been in there for months.

I had been replaced, I was replaceable. I was nothing special. I could still feel the tubes and needles connected to my arm waking up in the hospital. The feeling of being utterly powerless, I was helpless and lost. It was almost as I could hear him, my father, whisper; your mother won't be coming home. I felt my body fill with angst.

Deidara and I had been fighting more and more before I left. He knew where he could hit me. He knew where he would be able to erase the bruises he put on me. He knew what to say to injure me. He knew what stung the deepest.

I was dizzy. The room was spinning. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. I could hear someone calling me from far away. "Sorry, I stayed up late and now I have to use the bathroom."

I got up. I had to run the last bit to the bathroom. I clutched to the sink emptying the content of my stomach. A carrot, diet coke and tons of tea was all leaving my body going down the drain. The taste still in my mouth was horrid, acid. I drank some water and spat it out. It didn't help.

"Are you okay, you don't look so good?" Sakura said concerned when I came back out. I wanted to shoot her daggers, but she was right. I did look and feel like shit.

"No, I'm fine. I just need some coffee." I sat down again. I had actually ordered some grilled tofu surprised they had something like that here. I had been running on nothing for too long. I needed some food or else I would get sick. I did not want to get sick again.

I had binged again, I had ended up ordering a side of fries. Fries, I had not eaten that in years. I almost had a foodgasm eating them. I was not used to eating anything that tasted good.

"I've started looking at wedding dresses!" Sakura called out. Tenten clapped her hands, the boys were not as pleased with the topic, even though it made Sasuke smile.

"Will you be using your mother's?" I sincerely asked Sasuke. Naruto started laughing.

"I can see it! Garter and everything!" Naruto snorted and we all started laughing. That was until Sakura suddenly gasped and held her hand in front of her mouth looking utterly shocked. I had no idea until someone was suddenly standing next to me. I was at least as shocked as Sakura.

It was Deidara holding as many roses as he could possibly carry. He went down on one knee. I started shaking, of shock, longing and anger. I wanted to throw myself at him as much as I wanted to stab his eyes out with my steak knife. Itachi was standing behind him with a wide smile.

"Ino, my most precious. It's nothing like it seems. I would never touch another woman. It's only you. I've missed you more than I thought possible. I love you. I love you so much. I would never hurt you. I'm crazy about you, look. You made me leave New York to come to this red neck hole for you, in the summer! You're the only one for me. I love you so much I'm willing to give you my last name!"

I was, this was beyond words. He smiled handing me the roses. I watched dumb founded at him. I did not know what else to do than to take them. The world had stopped, everything was quiet, even my inside. Was this real? He smiled even wider. Had he just proposed?

"I… I… I have to use the bathroom again." I got up and went on autopilot not looking back. I was shocked. I was mad. I cried, but not of joy. He had no right asking me something like that. I was not prepared. He did it in front of my friends too. He had not explained himself. There were so many questions beside the one about wanting his last name or not.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to climb out the window and run. I could not, I still had feelings for him, and I still loved him. There had to be something left when he had come all this way. He hated summer, he hated the heat, but he was here for me. I did not notice I was still carrying the roses before I cut myself on a thorn. I could not hide in the bathroom forever.

The way back to our regular booth seemed longer than ever. There was a low mumble coming from it, the mood seemed to be suppressed, there was suspense in the air. They all became quiet when I arrived. Deidara's eyes still had hope in them. I nodded and he came over to me.

"Are you sure, yes?" I nodded again and he kissed me. Soft lips, intoxicating smell, soft silky hair and rock hard abs. I had not done badly, but he was no dark haired lazy genius. Did that just run through my mind?

"I love you baby doll!" I could hear someone clapping and someone aw'ing in the restaurant. They were cheering my demise, but how could I have accepted when it made me feel like this?

"I love you too, sunshine!" Just like that I decided that we were fine again. He had done a big romantic gesture so he must love me.

"Where's my ring?" I joked. He seemed surprised and took up a box from his jacket.

"I totally forgot! It used to be my mother's," He smiled and opened the box. There lay the biggest diamond I had ever seen. It was yellow, squared, corner cut. It looked like it was at least 30 carat.

"You're supposed to put it on!" I held out my hand, impatient. He smiled and slid it on. It was a perfect fit. I had to dry a tear, was it happiness? Everything was going to be good now.

"It's beautiful!" I kissed him again.

"I've never thought I would get engaged at a BBQ." I laughed, he was so cute.

"Yes, you might have to redo it, but I'm keeping the ring." He pouted.

"This calls for desserts!" Naruto yelled. I agreed, shut up skinny Ino.

Deidara had gone about it the old fashioned way. He had already met daddy to ask for my hand in marriage. I had fallen for him all over again. Daddy had welcomed it, he was no Shikamaru, but he seemed like a decent man. Daddy had almost cried when I came home with a ring on my finger. I was in a happy blissful state.

"Do I need to make up the guestroom?" He was uncertain.

"I think we'll be fine, daddy." I would not let Deidara sleep in the room next door.

"We'll have to bond, get to know each other or something tomorrow." Daddy said.

"It would be an honor to get to know the man who raised this beautiful woman, Sheriff." Daddy said good night and went upstairs mumbling

"yes… Woman…" He sounded almost sad.

Deidara had laughed at my all pink room, my pink furniture and at my unicorn plush collection.

"I love Fluttering Buttercup!" I said picking up my old favorite.

"Did you name them all?" he seemed astonished.

"Yes, they were my best friends." We laughed; they had been before I started kindergarten. The unicorns and Shika were my best friends.

"You're crazy, you know that?" I smiled at him. Of course, I had always known I was crazy. I jumped on my bed and straddled him.

Sakura had just called me to tell me the news. Ino was engaged to the scumbag she had fled from. I knew better, she was not here just because she had stopped eating. We have had that fought and bickered all through high school.

Ino has always been sick, she has always been anorexic. I had always tried to protect her from it, I had always tried. I had failed. I had failed Ino and it felt like this was all out of my control. She had always complained about me, been worried. She had never taken the time to look after herself. She was the one in need to help.

I had read about it. Read the darker forums where people far too interested in Ino lurked. Those who dug through her thrash and followed her every move. Someone had gotten ahold of her medical records. The fact that her heart had actually stopped was not what worried me the most. The bruises, the bruises and injuries.

I knew that he had done them. I had seen her rub her hands where she had her bruises. She must have seen him before she left. They must have fought. Ino was strong, but she was so insecure about herself.

Anyone with the will could control her. Tame the vixen Ino is. He had tamed her and trained her as his pet. I have never met him, but I know I hate him much like my Temari hate Ino. The both of us knew I had feelings for Ino. Temari had attacked Ino instead of talking to me. I would have told her I was done with her the day she crushed me.

Either she does not remember, or she is pretending not to so that she would not have to deal with it. She had come to me for comfort. She was so upset; I have never seen her like that. Heartbroken she still shed no tears; no one was worth her tears.

She had lost everything she thought mattered that day, the crown and her prince. She had come to me who had always been there for her because I love her.

Temari shifted in the couch. I was happy with her; she had straightened me out and mended me. She had brought me on the right track. Yet I will never forget that night, the night she had stolen Sasuke's bottle of whiskey and finished it off alone.

I was outside the school alone smoking. I had not heard her coming. Her prom dress had been so beautiful. Green mermaid dress covered in sequins. She had sparkled. She had taken my cigarette and stomped it. I knew she never liked me smoking, but she let me do it. She opened her purse and offered me a mint. I took it wondering why she had offered it to me.

"I don't want you to taste off cigarettes when I kiss you." I knew it was wrong of me to let her. I knew, I should have known she did not have any feelings for me. I knew I should have stopped her and not kiss her back. My body had failed my brain. I threw away my moral.

I had taken her to my car, taken her to my bed. She had told me no. She had tried to stop me from doing something stupid. She sat down on my bed. The bed she had slept in several times as a child at numerous sleep overs.

"Shika, are we friends?" I had no idea where she was coming from. She was obviously drunk.

"Always." I sat down next to her, having controlled my body. I would let her sleep off the alcohol alone.

"Always and forever?" We pinky promised. Nothing could ever stop me from being her friend. Nothing could ever change that.

"I always feel so safe around you, it's just right." Everything was right around her; she had no idea just how right.

"I've always loved you, and sometimes more than like a brother." She had confessed having feelings for me.

"I feel so good with you, do you feel like that with me too?" I kissed her. I had kissed her this time, and she had kissed me back. Before I had known it my body had taken over again. She was on her back and I was on top.

"I've never had sex before," she blurted out. I had, a couple of birds. Nothing that meant anything to me, I never felt anything for them.

"We don't have to, we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. I love you and I would never hurt you." I would never hurt her, I would live in celibacy my whole life if it meant I could be with her.

"I've been saving myself for someone special." She ran her finger down my chest.

"Someone that is worth it, someone who does not think of me as another, someone who thinks of me as their One and loves me and that someone is you. I love you Shikamaru. I want to do this with you and one day I'll come back for you because I need to leave. I need to mend and heal. One day I will come back for you, and everything will be fine. I want us to take proper good bye first, like lovers." She could not have said it better. She had spoken from her heart to mine. So I was sure of that night.

She had left me and come back shattered with another man. I could still remember her laying there naked, her soft skin and her blush. I had never seen her blush. She was vulnerable. She had shown me her body that she was never pleased with. To me she was perfection. To me she was beauty.

"What are you thinking about?" Temari asked.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."

Nothing hurts more than sleeping with your best friend.


	8. Gimme, Gimme

It felt good to wake up next to Deidara again. Too see him lying there woke my butterflies. He was always so peaceful in his sleep. He always had the same face. I kissed him and slipped out of bed.

He had come for me; he had made a commitment to me. Everything was as it was supposed to be. I did not care about my career anymore. It was not important. It was not what I had missed and needed. It could not compare to the feelings being loved gave me. This was bliss. I would be happy again.

The news reached me through Sakura. Ino was to be married to that awful man. Temari had complained about my bad mood all day. I was still not over the fact that she had punched Ino. Nobody was allowed to hurt Ino, yet he allowed it to happen time after time.

I hadn't protected her like I had sworn I would. She hadn't come back for me like she swore she would.

It had been stupid of me to ever believe that Ino Yanamaka would love me.

Ino of the magazines, billboards and runways.

Ino in the tight dresses and high heels.

Ino the famous model.

What would she ever do with a hick like me? I who had never seen the world, who didn't have abs and never had touch anything stronger than shots on the local bar.

I who loved her as she was.

I who loved her no matter what she did.

I who loved her no matter how she looked.

"What do you want for dinner?" Temari asked me as she was flipping through the channels.

We were in a rut. We did the same over and over again. What do you want for dinner, it's Wednesday why don't we have something easy like chicken and vegetables and watch that show I love?

I just nodded I knew those words would come out of her mouth. The only thing that ever changed occasionally was the bag of frozen vegetables we used. We were definitively in a rut.

"Have, do, do you have a past with Ino?"

I was certain she knew the answer to that. What other reason could a woman have for asking that question? She wanted me to deny it but be mad that I was lying. If I told her the truth she would only be mad and hurt. I never cared much about lying. I preferred the truth over white lies. They always came back to bite me.

"I slept with her once in high school, and that was it. I'll get started on dinner."

Sakura had called Shikamaru later that night.

"I'm throwing Ino an engagement party, I don't know if that's something you want to be part of?" I had to leave him with an invitation and a way out.

I was surprised when the response came that both he and Temari would be there if that was okay. He had certainly wanted to meet the guy Ino planned on marrying instead of him.

It felt naturally for me to plan Ino's engagement party if you're looking away from the fact that the flirtatious childhood friend of mine was engaged. It had been so romantic.

Showing up out of the blue with enough roses to last a year. Then even more out of the blue just going down on one knee after being apart for so long. It was only something you see on movies and with the rich and famous I guess.

With Sasuke and me it had been different. Sasuke had admitted once drunk on beer after partying with his work buddies that he had wanted children once I was done with school. I had told him that there would be no children before a marriage. He had then asked if he could and I quote "marry my sweet touch."

It didn't matter though. He was still the man of my dream and no amount of roses or lack thereof would ever change how I felt about him.

Ino and I had always discussed such matters. Engagement party, bachelorette and then weeding. We had then gone on to dreaming about houses, children and then husbands.

Eventually we picked up that we were dreaming about the same husband. It didn't matter though, because that specific husband had been Ino's boyfriend at the time. We never fought, but it had torn us apart.

Perhaps this time with boys out of the pictures we could finally be friends again?

I would want for nothing more than that to happen.

Ino had Deidara straddled to bed.

He had finally woken up. It had been boring just lying there watching him sleep like some pervert.

"Did you enjoy the show?" he asked.

What kind of question was that? Of course she had.

"Yes, I love the idea that you're open for a permanent marker attack."

Deidara rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He knew I would never dare. Ever since the cat face incident. Deidara hadn't checked his face before he went to his office. No wonder people had been hissing, purring and meowing at him throughout the day with a black cat nose and whiskers.

"So what do you want to do today?" I asked.

He had a vicious grin on his face.

"You."

I had expected and wanted it. We were in love again, and we would always be. This was what I had dreamt of as a child. I had it all now but I couldn't help but to wonder if this truly was real love.

It felt good but did it feel right? It might have been my inability to be happy speaking.

With my tongue in his mouth and his hands on my breasts came a knock on the door.

"Ino pumpkin, do you want pancakes?"

My father was blissfully unaware that he had interrupted his daughter from being thourughly screwed him her childhood bed, room and home.

"Yes! Please, daddy!"

I slipped out of bed and made a move for the bathroom.

"I hope you'll start calling me daddy,"

I laughed. I didn't know if he was joking about me calling him daddy or if he tried to insinuate that he wanted children. I laughed because I couldn't and wouldn't give him any of that.

"You should prepare yourself, father's pancakes are amazing!"

I had never in my grown life described food as amazing. Food had always been something I needed unless I wanted to die. A bear necessity.

The party had certainly been rushed but Sasuke knew how much time Sakura had put into it.

I had contacted the usual gang. I didn't know if Ino kept in touch with anyone else from their old high school.

I had rented the BBQ restaurant. I had decorated with pink and purple balloons. I had gotten a princess crown with pink plush for Ino. I had gotten a kings crown for Deidara but I was certain he wasn't going to wear it.

I had given him an option and I was all about giving options.

If they wanted.

I had called and invited her to dinner under the pretense that we should get to know her fiancé. She had sounded out of breath and flustered when I called around lunch. I didn't want to comment it because I think I know why. Why would she even pick up her phone during?

She had agreed. She wasn't sure if she wanted to eat since she was getting sick of the food she had eaten three times since she got back. She promised to be there so it wouldn't be a problem.

I had ordered food from the restaurant, bought snacks and even baked a cake myself.

I wanted things to be perfect. It would make things better between me and Ino. If we gave each other what we wanted again perhaps things could go back to how things were before Sasuke.

The phone in my pocked buzzed. I had gotten a mail. Ino had updated her blog. I sat down on the closest chair. I clicked the link in the email and waited for her page to load. This was always exciting to me. I was probably the one Ino's been to closest too but she's always able to put me in the look. Ino valued the shock effect.

_Dear lovelies sorry I've been out of bounds. You might think you know why, but if you think you know me by now you need to get yourself checked. Because my check told me that no one knows me. _

_Things totally have changed since last time we spoke_

_I've mended my hangover for once. _

_They're also been some changes in my love life. It's personal, but we're friends right? And friends share everything. I know you've been dying to hear what's going on. He held another girl's hand and so what? He's practically European and it doesn't mean anything. Like she could ever replace me. Hah, I laugh. _

_But yes, there still have been some changes in my love life. _

_Deino is officially going to be a union on paper and I have a reason for my spending spree on Elie Saab's web shop. _

_Once again we're stronger than ever when everyone says we're over. _

_I'm shocked there's been another rumor about us going rampant that's wrong. _

Then came the picture of Ino pretending to be shocked. She had clasped her hand above her mouth. I could see that she was wearing a deep red lipstick between her fingers. She had placed her long blonde hair in a donut bun. What was shocking was her ring. I had seen it in real life and even if the picture didn't do it justice it was breathtaking. The stones were beyond giant and sparkly. Once again I wouldn't trade my sweet and delicate one for that colossal one.

_Gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self esteem _

_Gimme good and pure, what you waiting for? _

_Gimme everything, all your heart can bring_

_Something good and true _

_Love wifey 2 b ino_


	9. Engaged to Party

This was when Shikamaru's heart can't handle it anymore and he gives up all faith he'll ever be with the woman he truly loves.

I watched her twirl around on the floor. She had known. From her golden sequin dress to her French braid. She had known this was going to be a party. It was Ino's sixth sense she knew where parties were and what party was worth going to.

She had acted surprised. Gasped and looked around.

He had silently followed holding her hand. He looked uncomfortable. He didn't belong in a room filled with plastic crowns and balloons. He had hated it and he didn't try to hide it.

I could feel Temari pulling me closer as if she was trying to keep me from leaving. I was going to stay by her side forever. She should know that. She should have loosen her grip on me and slowed down her own heavy breathing.

Ino was to be married. She had been breaking hearts for too long and I had been loving her for too long. It was time I moved on and let my heart be the last she broke.

Sakura ran over to Ino had hugged her. It was like being in high school again. Thursday Sakura had chemistry and Ino had art before lunch. Sakura would run over to her and hug her as if that had been separated by the Berlin Wall for years. The only thing that was missing was their uniform and school books in their arms.

I had to accept that in some sense we were all still in high school. The location, the normal discussions and features might have changed. Deep down they were all exactly like we were in high school, Ino especially. I had to let her go because I couldn't be dwelling in the past. I had to grow up we all did.

I would only end up breaking my heart and losing Temari in the process if I chased after her.

Temari was comfortable. She was safe and she was easy. She was everything I had ever dreamed about but we didn't have what people have named a spark.

I wasn't unhappy with Temari. It was nothing worse than it had been in high school. It didn't hurt more like loving your best friend knowing you could never have her knowing that she would never want you.

And as she was kissing his lips I could see her smile. I could see her face brighten. Perhaps she loved him. Perhaps I've gotten it all wrong for once too blinded by my own desire.

Perhaps they had the spark?

* * *

I leaned over and kissed him. I knew he wasn't happy. He would pester me about the tacky party Sakura had thrown me, us. He would complain about the foul smell sticking to his clothes. He would taunt my friends for getting plush plastic crowns.

The fact was that I on the other hand loved it.

Yes, it was unquestionably tacky. It was poor. It wasn't a single ounce classy. It was nothing like anything I had been to since I moved away the.

It was also just what I had wanted as a child.

I had dreams about the colors, the crowd and the decorations.

"Thank you so much Sakura! This is amazing!"

I could notice all the men measuring Deidara. Their eyes went up and down. I didn't know how he would fit into our group. I didn't even know if they would give him a shot or if he would want to try at all.

I was scared he would be rude. I had heard him talk about people like my friends. He had never had anything good to say. Thank goodness Itachi had showed up to keep him company.

"It's nothing, I just wanted you to be happy you're finally going to be married like I am."

There might be some competition left between us.

I dragged Deidara over to our regular and now very crowded booth.

"There's starting to be too many blondes here, we have tripled in numbers this summer,"

Naruto joked.

It did help lighten the mood. There was a stranger among their mist. Sasuke's strained relationship to his brother didn't help either. So the ambiance wasn't like the one I had imagined as a child. This would still work.

I had been surprised to see not only Shikamaru by the table but Temari as well. I hadn't seen her since her fist connected with my face. I didn't want her in a party to celebrate my engagement. Not since she thought I had my eyes set on her man. I did not. I would never trade the man next to me for the man opposite me. She was delirious.

"I guess you've all figured that this is Deidara,"

I said introducing my fiancé.

I knew they had seen him before in papers, magazines and on TV.

Deidara put his arm around me and pulled me closer. I rested my head on his chest and it felt safe. It was familiar. I had spent many hours in this position. I know every inch of his body and it feels so right. I closed my eyes and murmured as I took in his scent.

I took a few seconds to recover before I pulled away with a smile.

"This is Sai, Kiba, Sakura, Sasuke, Itachi you know, Naruto, Tenten and opposite us is Temari and Shikamaru."

I gave her a sweet smile locking eyes. It didn't seem to faze her. She was stoic. She hated me and I had learned to love it because I hated her equally if not more. I was too focused on Temari to see Shikamaru.

* * *

I knew I shouldn't have invited Shikamaru. I should have listened when Sasuke told me not to. I knew nothing good would come off it. I shouldn't have.

He looked at her with the face of an abused puppy. He still wanted her. He wasn't supposed to sit next to her. If only Sasuke had remembered the table cards.

"There will be food soon!"

I called out trying to salvage the situation.

A few hungry eyes looked over at me. I wasn't sure if they had bothered coming if there hadn't been the promise of food. Not that they didn't like Ino it had been short notice and two of them could be hard to swallow or a longer period of time. They had never met Deidara and had no idea how he was.

"It's so wonderful of you to throw Ino this party and me, me who you haven't even met."

* * *

I knew I had to play the sweet card to get anywhere with these hillbillies and Ino. She had hardly opened her legs for me today and if I were to get what I wanted I would have to play nice.

I flashed them a smile and poured some water in my glass.

I could tell the man opposite me hated my guts. Waves of hate radiated from him. There was no way people couldn't sense it. If he already hadn't he was probably dying to put his rainbow into her unicorn. No chance.

I could see Itachi's eyes of bemusement hit me. He had known me for years. He knew me in and out. He was the one closest to me, maybe even closer than Ino who was purring on my chest.

Working out and then start working out again. There's nothing better to hock girls with than being good looking. Hard work will always pay off. Let's not talk about the stamina.

I blinked only for Itachi to see. He would be in on my good guy act. He would never rat me out. I had too much dirt on him not to mention a publishing contract. Everything he was today was thanks to me. I create people as easily as I destroy them. He knows, he's seen it happen countless of times. His hands were bound, not to talk about his tongue.

"I can't wait to get to know you."

Sakura cheered.

I wouldn't wait to show her either. The pink hair was sort of hot. It was so bold, nontraditional in the god damned town. What would ever possess a girl to have pink hair out here? Ino in a wig was also pretty hot. I would certainly think about that during dinner, green, red, purple, blue and pink. Definitively pink, possibly even with another pink.

"How'd you bag a hot bitch like Ino?"

Sai asked as if he was asking a stranger for directions. He was genuinely interested. He had been immediately shot down when he tried to hit on someone like Ino.

"You play the game, score and win."

Ino crawled up and kissed my cheek before she settled on my chest as some lapdog. Chest bitch. God, I do love her.

Sai had been playing the game; he never scored and never won. It had to be something else. Yellow blond hair, deep blue eyes, prominent cheek bones and jaw, broad shoulders, muscular. That might be it. He was dark and weak with almost feminine features. No, it couldn't be that. Sasuke bagged Sakura. It must be personality. If he acted like he owned every girl in the room they would believe him and become attracted to him.

That must be the key to success.

The black haired guy was giving me the creeps. He was honest I'd give him that. It would be hilarious to keep him in the office. He'd end up with a sexual harassment law suit in no time. He wasn't rich and hot so it wasn't harmless flirting.

"I'll get someone one day."

The pink girl put her elbows on the table letting her head rest on her fists.

"So, let's hear it from you. How did you and Ino meet?"

They had perfected that story together. Leaving out her not knowing the customs, that she should have sucked me off for the blow I gave her. For the first time I didn't regret letting whores snort my stuff before they sucked me dry.

"I love that you found me again babe."

What was he supposed to do? She was the hottest thing he had seen and she was even better now that she had lost weight. She had lost too much for my taste now. She was worthless to me modeling wise. She was still famous and I could still get something out of her beside her heart.

"I will always find you."

I looked deep into her eyes and kissed her hand. She was mine and I would always find her. She couldn't run from me.

The waiter came filling our glasses with some red wine from 2013. Awful, I told him to bring a case of their finest champagne. The idiot didn't think I was good for it and had me pay in advance.

Hicks.

* * *

He must have been some sort of smooth operator like Ino. Saying what people wanted to hear, coy smile and long eyelashes. They must have taken the same class. Hell, they must teach the same class.

I wished I could reach over and punch her again, him too. It would feel great. I had to cry and tell Shikamaru how much I regretted it for him to bring me here.

I promised to try and make things right with Ino again tonight. I would gladly do it for the sake of the entertainment. If I didn't think of these people as my friends and Ino as a real sincere person but an actor it was hilarious. It was live drama it was like going to a play.

I couldn't look to my right because I would see Shikamaru looking at Ino. He would have this pining and hungry look. He must have had the hots for her since he found out that breasts didn't only give milk to babies.

I placed my hand on his thigh. He had even put on some dress pants for the occasion. I had seen him in dress pants once before as long as I had known him and that was on the day my grandmother was buried.

He would do anything for Ino and I knew there was something Sakura was hiding from me. Why did she end up hating Ino? Had Shikamaru been the cause? Was it something she had done against my Shika? That bitch.

I could hear Tenten small talking with Itachi. Something about one of his books and if he was interested in writing some science fiction, he wasn't.

Sasuke and Naruto had started debating soccer and Sakura was having a hard time realizing that she was actually seeing Deidara for real. I knew she followed all celebrity gossip and almost certainly knew as much about him as Ino did.

Ino was more or less lying on top of him. Kissing him and running circles on his chest with her index finger as they talked quietly among themselves. It was disgusting. She would never practically have sex with Shikamaru in public at a restaurant with their friends.

"What wouldn't you do to sleep with a girl like Ino?" Sai asked over me looking at Shikamaru.

I wanted to slam his head against the table. He wouldn't ever sleep with someone like her. He had taste not herpes.

Sakura suddenly looked over at the three of them then over at Ino. Shikamaru chose to ignore his question.

"I bet she's loose but still would be a good bang."

This caught the attention of the table. They were used to Sai and his lack of any social filter. He had tried discussing Sakura with Sasuke more than once but he had never done anything like this. Not for all of them to hear.

"That's my future wife you're talking about!"

Sai looked over at Deidara not aware that he had talked that loud. It didn't bother him Deidara obviously had something he wanted to share about their sex life. Ino meekly tried to calm him down again.

"Not to talk shite, but she's been around. We have all heard the stories."

Yes, there had been a lot of stories when she went to high school. Most of them died down while she was dating Sasuke. Still there were several good sources that told she had slept with the whole football team in one night, been with half of the string orchestra including some girls. There were several other stories. She was the biggest slut to ever walk in this town. After her time away I wouldn't be surprised if she was radioactive.

"I think you should shut it! I took her virginity!"

Ino pulled his arm down and they all seemed shocked of this revelation. Ino looked perplexed and mortified throughout. She looked so humiliated it almost made me believe it.

"There's no way a girl like Ino could have had sex with just one guy."

"I can somewhat confirmed. We never slept together when we were an item. But I'll tell you she's done some dirty things with her mouth and once she even…"

His story didn't even start before Sakura punched his shoulder. It was evident that she had hit him with all her might. His hand shot to his shoulder, his mouth hung open and he was waggling in his seat. Even Ino had been less of a pussy getting punched and she took a hit to the face.

Deidara's eyes shot to Sasuke. He must not have heard about him. I could see him look at his only friend in the room and he nodded. I had noticed all their hidden communication. They had been having a conversation no one had heard the whole evening. It was mesmerizing to look at.

Ino had almost shrunk and fallen under the table. She was ashamed because she wasn't this super promiscuous and sexual being everyone had pinned her out to be. She was actually embarresed she wasn't the whore everyone had thought of her too be and that was even sadder than being an actual whore.

I'm so glad I came.

Some of the tension in the room seemed to leave and was replaced with food, sadly. Sakura had gone all out and ordered three buffet carts filled with food. There was going to be leftovers and we wouldn't have to make dinner this week.

"Should be perhaps stop discussing my sex life and eat instead, if you haven't lost your appetite?"

It was her feeble attempt to stop the conversation instead of actually telling them to stop. She didn't have the guts to do that. She grabbed her red wine glass and made rid of it in one go. It was almost impressive to see the skeleton make the wine disappear in such a pace.

"First come, first serve!"

It was a joke among our group, well the town. We didn't have time to wait around and be polite. The food would go cold if we wasted time on such trivialities. I saw them all grab their plates; well those who belonged and they were all off leaving the newbies to fight over their crumbs.

It was a good thing Deidara offered to carry my plate. I told him I was going to get another glass of red. It was true; I stopped by the bar and ordered a glass of wine and two tequila shots. I gulped down the red wine first before I moved on to the tequila. I was too out of it to think about what a horrid mix with was and what I would to do me in the morning.

Fuck it, I asked for the whole bottle. Explained that it was for the table. BBQ and tequila was a fine mix, champagne and BBQ wasn't. The bartender agreed and found an unopened bottle, compliments of the house. I gave him a smile and almost felt bad.

I didn't turn around and walked over to the table. I grabbed a lime and went into the kitchen. I could hear the bartender yell that the bathrooms were on the other side. I wasn't looking for the bathroom.

I found the green "exit man" in the left corner and made a run for it.


	10. We did what?

My legs were spread far, my cheeks must have been red and I looked flustered.

Father was silently eating cereal reading the newspaper on the kitchen island. He scanned both my arms, he must have been hoping for some leftovers.

"You're back early."

That was true because I had run out of the party. I was the guest of honor and I had run away. I always run when thing got thought but I would stop doing that now that I was to be a married woman. I would start with my biggest demon growing up.

"Why don't you ever say no to me? Why can't you say no to me?"

I had muttered the first weakly, I needed to shout and rephrased the question.

Father's spoon dropped and then he put the newspaper down. His eyes scanned me up and down. Why had he never denied me anything? Why had he treated me like a fragile porcelain doll, an innocent one at that?

"I've said no plenty of times."

Ino couldn't think of a single no.

"You even said yes to let some stranger marry me. I know you don't want him to and what if he was abusive, what if he hits me and you said yes to that?!"

Father got up on his feet. He had read about the melt down and realization, then the acceptance and recovery would come. He had been waiting for that but I wasn't melting down. I was facing an unrelated problem. This had nothing to do about my eating disorder or the constant numbing emptiness inside me.

"I trust you, that's why… but does he hit you? I'll take him down, I'll make sure he…"

I shook my head and started the water faucets in my face. It was almost the correct picture of it all. Tears were falling heavily making their way to the floor driven by gravity and pushed by the nest tear falling from my eyes.

"Daddy! You don't understand! I need boundaries, I need someone to tell me no!"

He was on the other side of the kitchen island now. His steps were short and silent as if he was scared I would lash at him as some scared animal if he came too close.

"I trust you that's why, I trust you to always make the right decisions."

I was openly sobbing because he had too much faith in me. I was a child when he first dropped the no word from his vocabulary, I was still a child. It was too much responsibility. I would want to make mistakes and I needed someone to tell me before I did them. I needed someone to guide me and support me even if that meant saying no.

"Stop that! I don't make good decisions! I was, I am an anorexic drug addict and you keep living like I'm still daddy's little pure princess! Nothing I ever do upsets you! I almost died and you don't even speak a word of it! Mother died and you never mentioned her name again! You've never mentioned her with a word all these years! If I died tomorrow would you go on living like I never existed too?"

It had been years and I had never spoken to him or anyone about mother. I had never realized how his lack of care had upset me. She was the warmest person I knew she deserved to be remembered and loved even if she was gone. I had never once visited her grave since we put her in it. I had never brought her flowers like she used to bring me fresh flowers for my room when she woke me every morning.

Mother deserved so much better. She had taken such great care of me. She didn't deserve to be wiped out of our lives.

"Do you really think a day goes by without me thinking about her?"

I think years go by.

"I still wake up surprised to find the spot next to me empty and it's like losing her all over again. Do you not think I loved your mother? That she wasn't the most important thing in my life? She's given me this beautiful daughter that I have to worry about every single day because I alone was never able to give you what you needed, a mother's love."

I plumped down on the floor. It was like my legs gave out and I was suddenly down on the floor. Bawling.

I was sulking and screaming.

I had never cried for mother. I had never let her go, I had let her stay to rot. I had allowed her to become almost a bad thing, a bad word. She had represented what went wrong but it was me all along. I was what was wrong. I was the one hurting father. He was worried about me he didn't want to lose me.

Father loved mother like mother always had loved him.

Now she was gone and he woke up to an empty bed, in an empty house and I was giving him nothing but problems. I was deliberately putting him through hell for my own selfish reasons. My skin was too tight. My body was too small. I was hurting my father, my friends. Who would want to be with someone like that, who could love me?

My father always had. It might not have been in the right way or the way I needed, but it had been in his way. I had let him down. I had let myself down. I was sick and I realized what I had put him through. I was letting him watch the last member of his family die in front of his eyes.

"I'm sorry father!"

I hulked. I was sure my face was covered in tears, snot and drool yet he got down on his knees, pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head on his shoulder and cried. Father had loved us both in his own way. He was always there for me even when I was hurting him. My father loved me.

Even when my crying died out he wouldn't let me go. He was patting my back whispering words about how much he loved me, my mother and how worried he had been, how we would get well together. This wasn't my disease anymore. It was ours. All while I was in his strong arms.

"Father?"

My voice was dry and timid. He hm'ed and I felt the vibrations.

"I didn't eat today."

His grip around me tightened.

"Can you make me breakfast for dinner?"

I love his breakfasts. Before mother was gone she used to make all the food unless it was Sunday breakfast. It was the only thing father was better at cooking than her. It was the only thing my father was good at cooking.

"As much as you like sweetheart."

He let go of me and planted a sweet kiss on my forehead and got up.

I went to the bathroom to clean up. I looked like a mess, my face was glistering from all sorts of fluids that could emit from a face, my eyes were red and puffy and my makeup was running.

Father was making food when I slipped out into the yard. I hadn't been there in ages. Father still tended to it but it wasn't like it had been. When there had been the three of us. I lay down in the middle.

Running fingers against my ribcage didn't feel right. It brought tears to my eyes. It filled me with guilt. I was perfect but it was others who paid the price. I was hurting those close to me by hurting myself. I had been away from this world for too long to realize it. It had been perfectly fine in New York it was expected.

I could hear father talking to someone in the kitchen. I could only hear his voice. It was work, one of his friends or one of my friends that I didn't want to talk to. Not even if it was Deidara. They didn't know where I was but they hadn't tried getting in touch with me. They were enjoying their party without me present as some pale ghost. I wasn't there so they could worry and be jealous of what I had accomplished in life and my intruding bones.

They weren't strong like me.

They wouldn't last a day in my high heeled shoes.

They couldn't lose ten kilos, twenty pounds in one month.

They probably couldn't lose one in a week.

Yet they all smiled, laughed and seemed to enjoy themselves.

"Why'd you lie?"

Someone was blocking my sun. Someone was looking down at me.

I had never seen him with a stern look on his face. He was always so relaxed about everything. It was like nothing could ever get to him. He was calm no matter what you told him, no matter what anyone did. He had been the only blank face the day my mother died and I needed comfort. One that didn't scream pity but rather comfort.

"Sweetie, I have to step out for a while. There's enough for the both of you, just act as home Shikamaru."

The door closed and we looked back at each other.

"Why'd you lie?"

He asked again persistent this one.

I didn't know what he was blaming me for lying about. I didn't know what he was getting at. I hadn't lied.

He lay down next to me in the grass. The food was getting cold I didn't have time to be lying around in the grass getting accused of lying when I hadn't.

He looked at me, first now I noticed that he looked dragged. He looked tired actually tired and not in his lazy tired way. He looked troubled.

"One thing is acting like it never happened, but lying about it? That's low."

I didn't know what he was going on about. He must have read the confusion on my face. I was totally lost. I wasn't acting like something hadn't happened and I wasn't lying about anything.

"Prom night?"

He tried to jog my memory. I did remember the prom clearly. Why he was reminding me of that awful night now. That night was something I was happy to go about pretending like never happened.

"God Ino! We had sex stop acting like it never happened!"

"Eh, I'm bringing my phone. I won't be long."

Shikamaru sighed and dropped his upper body down in the green. He hadn't wanted to yell that for my father to hear and he doubtlessly didn't want me to react with laughing.

I got up on my feet. I hadn't slept with Shikamaru. I wouldn't have done that and if I would, I would have remembered.

I went inside and he came too when I had helped myself to some food.

"Why don't we talk about it?"

I stuffed my face with another piece of sausage. Disgusting pieces of pork, fat and some other scary ingredients that made sausage and it tasted delicious.

"There's nothing to talk about, I don't want to hear your erotic fantasies."

He sat down on one of the barstools while I was standing on the other side to the island. I was more interested in the food than him. I was running the carb equation in my head as I took another bite. I would have to stop soon.

"You not hungry? You ate there?"

"Ino…"

He was mad at me for ignoring what he thought was an issue. It wasn't. There was nothing to talk about.

"You were like a brother to me."

"You told me that too on that night."

I couldn't have been so foolish as to sleep with him. Kiss him yes, there was a period where I thought he was the solution. The Jing to my yang, calm to my energetic, sloppy to my perfect, relaxed to my uptight, serious to my fun and serious to his fun. It didn't work like that. I knew that now. It was a foolish idea created by a foolish teenager.

"Ino, you told me that you loved me. You told me that you were coming back for me!"

I dropped my fork. He would never joke he would never take such a joke so far. He would never.

"Why are you telling me this now?!"

He had all the time in the world. He had years to tell me this and he chose today the night of my engagement party. Why couldn't he have told me the day I left, picked up the phone or even written me a letter? Why did he have to do this now?

"Don't you want me to marry him?"

I didn't even know where he was. It was Shikamaru who had run after me not him. I knew it was wrong of me to ask this. He couldn't have feelings for me. He had never shown interest in me, he had a girlfriend, and he had never shown interest in me, never made a move. He couldn't be. It wasn't allowed. I hadn't slept with him. I had only slept with my husband to be because if I had slept with Shikamaru that meant that I loved him and I never had.

Never.

"Ino…"

He didn't deny it. He didn't act enraged that I could even ask him such a thing. He wasn't allowed.

"You can't, you have a girlfriend and I'm engaged."

It wasn't like I had those feelings for him anyway. They were all friendly like those I had for the Shikamaru I got drunk on sample bottles filled with booze from our parents liquor cabinet, the Shikamaru I walked dogs with for cash, the Shikamaru who tried to stop me from sleeping with him.

"It's not allowed, you didn't speak a word! You didn't tell me and you still haven't, what is it that you want from me?"

He was putting stains on my heart that would never wash out. He had tainted our friendship the one I was in the middle of mending. He had changed; he wasn't the same boy I kept closer than Sakura. He had fallen for me and god forbids he had fallen in love with me.

"I know it's too late…"

He had already given me up reaching over the table to grab one of my sausages. That was done. It was a good fifteen minutes of madness and then it was back to normal but I wasn't ready to hit the play button again.

"We had sex?"

I bit my lip trying to imagine it. I couldn't remember much if any at all. I remember riding in his car, throwing myself at him and him turning me down. He was the only man who had, well, at the least tried to turn me down.


	11. Scared

"This is kinda awkward, isn't it?"

It was a stupid question. I knew it was awkward for the both of us. We had just had a movement. A big one. One that I felt like could change our life but in the end it had amounted to nothing.

I cursed him for ever putting the idea in my head. Not just be sex we had had but the idea of us.

I hadn't thought about him after I left. Not that much. I hadn't thought about anyone. I had tried to keep in touch with my father but it had pained me all too much. All of this had hurt me because I have never been sure about the choices I had made in my life.

I could have been where Sakura was today.

It wouldn't be impossible. I could have lead the simple and quiet life that she had. If she makes a mistake nobody cares, if she's down she have people to bring her up again, if she had trouble she had help to sort it out, if something was bothering her she had people to confide in.

I had to spend money for all that. I had no one there for _me. _I was having doubts that my fiancée even cared about me. I was all an act. If I was to disappear people would have wondered where I went but no one would care to look.

My breath became rapid and I clutched the countertop not to fall down.

"Calm down Ino, it's not the end of the world. It doesn't have to mean anything."

I watched him place another piece of egg on his fork. I saw how the bacon shined in the lights and how the fat seeped out of the sausages. I had just eaten that. I had placed it all inside of me and it was upsetting me.

Grease was flowing freely in my veins replacing my blood. If you cut me a thick yellow matter would ooze out only made liquid by my body heat. I would slowly turn into a pig. I would have heart trouble and diabetes in no time. I wouldn't be able to stop eating like the pig I am. I would probably have to have my foot amputated but I would die of a heart attack on the operating table.

All because I devoured bacon.

All because I stuffed myself with sausage.

All because I scoffed the embryotic matter of a hen.

I was supposed to be vegan. I wasn't supposed to eat things that came from animals. Animals meant carbs and fat. It wasn't good for me.

I could feel my stomach turn against me. There was a war inside me. I didn't know who was fighting but I was certain no matter who won I would be the one to lose.

"It'll be fine, Ino, really."

No it wasn't. I had soiled my body in more than one way. I couldn't take it. I was so filled with confusion and regret that there wasn't room for anything more.

With hasty steeps I made my way over to the bathroom. I had been so calm about the whole ordeal. I had been. Now it was all turmoil. Everything was a mess and there was nothing good in my life. There was nothing good in my life.

I threw myself down on my knees. With arms resting on the toilet seat I tried bawling.

Nothing came. Only the friction and sounds my body made as I tried to get rid of the content it was so desperately clinging on to.

My body would be used as a weapon against it. With one elbow on the toilet seat I steered the other towards my mouth.

There couldn't be filth inside me. I needed to keep clean. I needed to keep thin.

Tears rolled down my cheek as the second wave left my body. The cries I made bounced off the walls and hit me again. There was an echo in the room. I had to listen to my defeat and shame once more.

I was pathetic. This was a new low. I never ate anything I hadn't calculated and agreed with myself to eat and keep down.

I didn't eat to throw up.

Never.

I knew Shikamaru was behind me. I had left the door open and probably ruined his appetite and therefore his meal.

Xoxoxo

I saw her resting on the bathroom floor. This wasn't like the times we had drunk too much sample booze and gotten sick to the amounts and mixing. We were young and didn't know better.

Ino in front of me wasn't a teenager. The Ino in front of me was a woman. A beautiful and tainted on that is. She had ruined herself chasing dreams no teenage girl should have.

She was fully conscious this time and it was a sad and pathetic sight.

Her red heels adorned her feet that used to be placed in bunny slippers as a child. Her dress barely covered her after squirming on the bathroom floor. Her dress length had grown as she had, but it was to no avail this time. Her perfectly laid makeup was smudged by tears. Tears only. Just as teenage Ino, woman Ino never cried.

The smell of throw up entered my nose. I don't know if she had thrown up because she had eaten or if it was because of what I had told her. I didn't rule out that she had thrown up because she could blame it on what I had told her.

Grown up Ino, unlike teenage Ino seemed to throw up what little she ate.

"Go ahead and judge me."

She had spoken it as if I had been holding a gun to her head. She had spoken it as if she had lost all her will to live. There wasn't much life left in her anyway.

"You speak as if you want me to grant you death, yet it is you who's granting that wish."

She used the inside of her hand to wipe something off the corner of her mouth. There was no reason to keep her perfect classy lady act for me. She knew I saw right through it. I know her.

"Do you think I enjoyed this?"

Icy blue electric eyes were directed towards me as she lifted her head.

I had thought about it. I had thought about a fair deal ever since I first saw her on the bus. I didn't know much about her. I didn't know how she had done in the big city. I knew that she was doing well. Even I have seen the magazine fronts and billboards.

I didn't know her road from leaving this town to the top. I didn't know what she had done while there and I didn't know her road down and back to this town.

I hadn't felt fit to judge her.

Now that I saw how she had reacted to my love for her. Now that she was on the floor with her hear sticking to her face and her body shaking I couldn't help but to think that she loved this.

She had let her life become her disease and she seemed to embrace it never wanting to part with it. Anorexia had seemed to become as much Ino as Ino had become Anorexia.

"I know you have the means and will power to beat this disease and yet here you are crawling on the floor having just thrown up the only proper meal you've probably had in years. What do you thing that tells me?"

I've always had this fight with her. I had always been the only reasonable voice in her life. I hadn't been there for the last year and she had broken. Ino was broken. Only the shell of a human body was left on her and she didn't seem to want to change that.

"I am trying!"

I left my hands roll through my pony tail. She was trying? She hadn't been down on the floor had she been trying. She had been in the kitchen eating seconds if she had been trying. How hard could it be to just eat? Everyone else was doing it. What was it that she didn't get?

"Are you trying? Are you really trying when you're just throwing u your food?"

I was getting madder by the second. I was so frustrated. If only there had been a way to make her see what I saw. I didn't know much of her disease, but I knew she needed to eat before it cost her own life.

"Do you think I want to do this? Do you think I enjoy fearing food? Do you think I enjoy avoiding any social gathering were I'm required to eat food, do you think I enjoy always keeping tabs on the calories of the food I eat? Nara boy, you don't understand a thing. Nara, you know nothing!"

I couldn't understand what could possess a human to act so wildly against human nature. If she didn't enjoy it, if she didn't want to do it then why did she keep doing it? One would think that she would stop when there wasn't a single soul that wanted her to keep going on like she was. One would think that ending up in the hospital would make her eat.

"Then why do you keep doing it?!"

"Because the only thing I fear as much as being sick is the idea of being cured!"

Xoxoxo

There. I had told him what I had never dared to admit. The only thing I fear as my condition was being free from it. I had based my whole life on it. My life revolved around me not eating. My fiancée was with me because I had stopped eating. My career I had gotten because I had stopped eating. My fame came from not eating.

What would I do if I wasn't composing a meal trying to rid it of fat and calories? What would I do if I wasn't counting calories? What would I do if I didn't spend the majority of my day obsessing over food? What if I let myself go and became fat and what if what scared me the most happened? What if I regretted it all but was never able to go back to this life?

If I got well I could possible lose everything I cared for.

I couldn't become well. I could become better. I needed to gain weight and I would do that. I would show them that I was better for the time being. I would trick them all. I would go back to my job and I would be able to do whatever I wanted without anyone caring for me.

Nobody cared enough to challenge me in the city. If no one cared for me I was free to do whatever I wanted. I just needed to get another job and taking those pictures would help. I have been gaining weight and with the promise to keep gaining maybe somebody would hire me. I was considered a model and if the salary was low enough who would say no?

No, I wouldn't let you ruin everything Shikamaru. I would not let your love devourer me and destroy me. I would use my bones and body as a shield and I would get away from here where everything is wrong.

Xoxoxo

As I've written on my other story I took on a lot this fall and there wasn't any time for writing between two jobs and studying 400%. By the end of it I was exhausted and sick.

I apologize to all of you who have been waiting for an update. I'm back (for) now but I still have a busy schedule. You can expect updates but don't be surprised if they're slow. I'll be studying and working even more this spring, but I'm hoping to find some time for writing. It is my hobby after all.

Hope you enjoyed the story

Holiday cheers, I'll be celebrating Christmas tomorrow for sure!

EMG


	12. 24 Hours

There was some comfort for I knowing that I wasn't the only one displeased about being back in town. For family he had said, he had come back for family. He was there because he needed to be. Deidara wanted him there and he had some dirt on him. Enough to force him.

It was a gift Deidara had, it was no hassle to get to know your deepest darkest secrets and he used them for his advantage. He was good at smelling and finding dirt and there was something about him that made you think you were safe to confine in him.

Itachi was clutching his mug. They were at the local creamery the light was burning Ino's eyes. Everything inside was either white or black. As far as Ino could remember they hadn't joined the sudden 50's trend, they just hadn't remodeled since then.

"I'm sure Sasuke will come around to enjoy me staying there a few days."

There was something between the brothers. Had always been. Sasuke had always loved and adored him. He had always bragged and talked about his brother. It had all been about Itachi always.

Things had changed after Itachi moved. His first novel had been about the little brother who was so filled with admiration for his older brother that he simply forgot that he was a person too. It had all been about the older brother making the little brother vanish never amounting to the heights of the oldest always remaining in the shadows.

Sasuke had refused that it was based on their relationship. It wasn't anything like that. If that was true why was Sasuke still angry at his brother? The novel had cut too close to home.

"For now I'm trying to stay away from home as much as possible. Father wants my money, mother is constantly telling everyone she always believed in me and saying I'm the greatest thing since spray cheese and Sasuke, you know how he can be."

I certainly know he can be and how he was most of the time.

Itachi must have forgotten about his toiletries and left them. He couldn't have shaved since he came down hair and it was one of those rare times when his hair wasn't in a ponytail. He had a golden ring on his left hand similar to a wedding ring. Itachi had gotten it on his graduation. He had gotten it from his grandfather who had died a few months after.

"Tell me about it. Father is strange and Deidara was still sleeping when I left. At what time did you guys go home?"

I hadn't needed to know what had gone down that night came his response. Guy stuff. The party had ended when most of the crew had gotten so full from eating that they had mobility problems. They had divided the food that was left and most went home. Sasuke, Sai, Temari, Deidara and he had stayed behind.

Deidara and he had opened a tab and there was no holding back. The owner had even held the restaurant open past hours. He was selling whatever he had as premium whatever to a premium. Deidara didn't know the difference and he was the bar master. If it was expensive it had to be good but truth was that he probably couldn't have tasted the difference between prison wine and Tequila Lay. People didn't mind drinking when it's all paid for by other than them.

After the police, Ino's dad had turned up and closed the party down they had gone home with one of the waitresses and that was all Itachi had wanted to share.

"Explains why he was sleeping in."

I had spent the day tucked under bed just breathing. Just cooping and existing. I had screamed at Shikamaru making him leave. I had needed alone time to think. I couldn't have anyone with me when I needed to mend and repair.

I looked out the window and saw people walk past. It was Saturday and people were out early. A girl in a pink dress skipped past holding a blue balloon. She caught up with her mother and grabbed her hand before they entered the grocery store on the other side.

"Don't tell me you have mommy fever?"

I immediately turned to Itachi and laughed. I would never want to have children. My body was my temple and paycheck as well. Children were annoying and nothing was worth running my body.

"Deidara wants children."

I had feared that. Then he would have to find a surrogate and find a nanny. The nanny would certainly have to be male or else rumors would spread. I didn't mind passing my genes on, it wasn't like I didn't want a child. I didn't want to give birth to a child. It couldn't be worth it.

"I've never said that I didn't."

"He wants the whole deal."

I didn't know if I was able to give him that. It didn't worry me too much. It wasn't like I was the queen in 16th century France and needed to produce an heir or else I would lose my head. If he left me because I couldn't give him this said whole deal I would still come out of it alive and breathing.

"He hasn't told me."

"Maybe you guys should talk about stuff like this _**before **_you get married."

While Deidara and I were artist living in the moment Itachi was more of a realist with his rules and thinking ahead. I wasn't worried about going blind into a marriage. I knew that I loved Deidara and he returned those feelings. We didn't need to talk about how many doors we wanted in our house, if he was allergic to gold fish or if he wanted children.

"The marriage will just be for fun, it's not a serious deal."

To me it had been once. I used to think that marriage was the most sacred thing. It was the most special bond a man and woman could share. Today it didn't mean anything to me. I could have gone down to the church and married Itachi there right now to prove my point.

"I'm not allowed to say anything, but do you think it's a good idea?"

He wasn't allowed to say anything. Deidara had told him, he had told him everything that was going on in our home. He knew about the arguments, he knew what we said and did in the moment. Nobody had told him what happened after. How loving we were in between those seldom occasions when our fights got out of hand.

"Itachi, you're too sweet worrying about me when there's no reason to."

Temari had leverage on Ino.

I had bought it at a steep price. I had stayed out all night with the pompous jerks from the big city like that was something special. Shikamaru had gone after her. I just know when they went missing around the same time. Once again I felt like an idiot being left behind while my boyfriend ran after some other girl.

What I had done to make up for it might have been too much. I had crossed a sacred line last night. One I'm sure not even Shikamaru would let slide and forgive me for. That's why I would only use the information I had on the most special occasion. I needed to have something on her.

I had stayed behind hoping that baboon would do something. He was a player and a cheat. Ino might believe that he hadn't cheated on her but she's about the only one.

I had waited almost all night. I had seen how girl after girl had thrown their self at him and I had expected him to take almost all of them. He had rejected them as they came, to my big surprise.

Some of them had even looked fairly decent. It hadn't helped. It was then I had out of desperation flung myself at him by the bathroom away from anyone. I had expected him to turn me down too, I had waited to feel his hands on my chest pushing him away.

When those hands finally came it was just to open my top and I pushed him into the bathroom he had come out of. I had originally planned to just kiss him, then I decided to see how far I could go with him and before I knew it I had gone all the way and he was snorting coke off my breasts.

I had taken part in her world to get what I wanted. I had stooped to her level and it gave me intense joy but now that it was all over and looking at Shikamaru proudly displaying the breakfast he had made me I felt nothing but guilt and disgust with myself.

"I know how much you hate oranges when you're hung over so I picked out all the orange candy."

He handed me the bowl of fruit flavored candy and I picked up a white one smiling.

Sasuke hadn't been sure what he had seen.

I couldn't tell Sakura what I thought I had seen but there was no one who could help me confirm.

Even after a night out I was up before Sakura. I had left the party before anyone else from my group. I had been sure I had seen Temari and Deidara making out and entering the bathroom.

Sakura entered our white glossy kitchen. The morning paper was spread on the grey counter but I hadn't been able to read it. I wasn't even able to focus on Sakura in one of my old shirts. I knew I could see her butt when she would reach for the cereal. She placed her arctic blue bowl next to me on the kitchen island.

With sleep still in her eyes she started pouring milk into her bowl.

"Do you think Temari would ever cheat on Shikamaru?"

Sakura promptly closed her mouth and looked at me with disbelief. She knew I wasn't asking if she purely hypothetically could get the idea. She knew that I knew something.

I had to take her hand and set the milk bottle down before the counter became flooded with the white liquid.

"What?! Tell me all about it!"

I had told her the story from the very start where I was on my way to take a piss but came over Temari who lounged at Deidara. I told her several times that it might not have been them. I know that was just something I was telling myself. I had a good and long view of the both of them and they were nowhere to be found when I looked for her.

"Oh my god!"

Sakura noticed her phone vibrating and picked it up. She had several new emails and one of them lead to a new blog entry on Ino's blog.

_First they were friends, then a couple, then they got engaged and thought why the hell wait? _

_Got you wondering what's going on? Good, I want this to be a buzz since you're the first I'm telling! I'm getting married! Sure you guys already knew that and don't know what I'm going on about telling old news but this is really new news! _

_I'm getting married __**tomorrow**__! _

_I was having morning tea with Itachi and we were talking about my pending marriage and I was thinking why wait? I love Deidara today and I'll love him tomorrow and for the rest of my life. _

_So I'll be a wife tomorrow around this time. It'll be just a small private event and then we'll do it again this fall and have the biggest, badest, most grand, exclusive and sophisticated wedding like we all dreamed of as kids. I wish to invite each and all of you but I would probably have to fight with my then husband for that to happen. Who am I kidding, he never says no to his princess. _

_So wow! I have a whole wedding to plan in less than 24 hours! This should be video documented! I'll do my best, I've already picked out and delivered weeding invitations I call that efficiency. Do you have any faith in me and our 24-hour weeding? Good, I do too because I have faith in love_

_Bride, Ino_

I watched Sakura throw her phone on the counter and run. I tried to wipe off most of the milk spill and turned it off. She should know that you don't just throw phones in fluids like that. That was how you break things.

Sakura had run out in my shirt to check the mail. What could have possible been so urgent? She came back with one hand covering her mouth and a piece of paper in the other. She handed it to me, it looked like something Sakura had had me look at a thousand times. Had me pick out size, thickness, type of paper and color shades no one could see the difference between. This one was a plain white and gold. After having read it my fears were confirmed.

"Should we tell her?"

It was Ino and Deidara's wedding invitation.


	13. Stream

**Sasuke debated**

I was the one who had seen them. If anyone were to tell them it should have been me. Still it wasn't in my place. I couldn't go up to Ino and tell her I'm sure your soon to be husband made out with the girl who punched you because her boyfriend is madly in love with you something that everybody but you seem to notice.

"No, we won't tell her."

Sakura bit her lip. I knew her well enough to know that she wanted to tell her, she wanted to deliver the news to Ino. There was something about those two girls that brought out the very best and worst within them. I knew Sakura was the cruelest, but Ino was the most inconsiderate.

I couldn't blame Ino for having some bad blood.

I still technically hadn't broken up with her. I guess she got the point when I had kissed Sakura on the dance floor for everyone to see.

I sat down. I couldn't tell Ino because this is what I did towards her and I was feeling awful about it. I had too very publicly cheated on her. Everyone knew I was with Ino, had been with her for years when I kissed Sakura. I too had cheated on Ino.

History was repeating itself and I didn't have the guts to be the one to bring it up.

**Ino did record everything. **

Itachi was helping me with everything and it was all streaming to my blog. I would have so many guests the site would hopefully crash before evening.

Right now I was shopping underwear hoping to get Itachi's approval and it made a great scene.

"I think I should go with white, but it reminds me of the cotton panties I used as a child."

Itachi coughed. There was nothing childlike about the underwear set I was holding up.

"Would you like traditional or exciting?"

I picked up a red set with my other hand and started looking at it. It wasn't a bright red, but the color was strong. I liked how the crystals were shining under the light.

"I don't think I would have cared about your underwear."

I put them both back and pulled out the perfect set. It was Lilac with black details. The silk felt perfect under my skin and the velvet parts were so soft. It too sparked and shined under the light but it was the fabric itself.

"This."

All the other sets looked like garbage compared. Nothing could compare with this. This was excellence. This was perfection. I tried looking at the label to see who made it. I didn't find any and looked at the shop lady.

"What brand is this?"

She flushed slightly and her cheeks turned red.

"I've made it myself…"

I nodded once again looking at the details the little bow, that little bow that did so much for the piece.

"Always put your name on what you make."

I grabbed it and went over to the fitting room. I had a white shirt underneath when I went out of the fitting room. Itachi turned and looked at me, his lips tight. It was all I needed to know.

"Five grand."

I told the lady. She repeated me with a heavy mutter.

"Yes, it's handmade, quality fabric and I need it altered by tomorrow."

"To… To… morr…ow?"

I nodded. The piece itself was too big for me, cup size was fine but the rest was far too big.

"I'm getting married tomorrow."

I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't feel the slightest ashamed or embarrassed fluttering around in my underwear. It was natural to me, I was used to it. The shop keeper and Itachi on the other hand wasn't.

"Can you have it ready by tomorrow?"

The lady nodded her head. She could have it ready in the morning for the strange and beautiful lady. She knew very well who she was and this was great advertisement.

"I'd love to come back later and look at your other designs."

I paid and was out the door Itachi and camera following behind me. The things poor Itachi would do to get out of staying at home. As far as I knew Deidara was still at home sleeping.

"Next is flowers."

I stopped outside the door. It was only one floral shop in town. It had always been my mother's favorite. She had always taken me here every time we went shopping. I hadn't been inside since. Hadn't been inside since.

I stood silent with my hand on the handle.

"I haven't been here since my mother decided to go off and kill herself."

I addressed Itachi and he lowered the camera and went over to embrace me. He had a feeling it must be awful losing a parent that way.

"I guess it's her loss that she's missing out on her daughters wedding day, but I'm also missing out on having my mother in my wedding."

My mother had missed out on a lot because she took the easy way out when she should had stayed and fought. She had a family that would have helped her. She had a family who loved her and would do anything for her. Still she took the easy way out and jumped off that bridge.

"Why don't we have lunch?"

I let go off the door handle and Itachi let go of me. Lunch sounded good to him. We walked over to the creamery. I ordered a sugar and fat free soy vanilla milkshake and some salad. Itachi opted for the real deal, chocolate along with a mini burger and fries.

"So we're back here again."

It seemed to me like we had just left the place, but it had been hours and Itachi had patiently been following my every step.

"Have you even gotten a location?"

It had all happened so fast that Itachi hadn't been following half of what was happening. I smiled and sipped on my milkshake.

"My lawyers are working on getting permission to use the gardens."

It was really a beautiful park. It was my favorite place in this town, the open grass fields, pond and the endless flowers. It was perfect and my life would be ruined if we weren't allowed to be there. I wasn't worried though.

"Police station is our backup."

I laughed. It was already bad enough in some sense that my father had to wed us. It would still be a nice wedding, perfect considering the conditions. I was just curious about who would show up.

"Wow. Have you been thinking about this for a long time, because this went buy faster than expected."

**Deidara finally awoke sometime that day. **

I had a faint memory about Ino waking me up asking if I had plans for tomorrow and if we just shouldn't get married. I didn't want to explain to her why not so I just said yes and hung up. It was always easier to let her have it her way than to say no.

Ino is a fucking spoilt princess.

After staying here I could see where she got it from. She had her father wrapped around her little finger and he did whatever she wanted. She didn't even have to consider what he felt about it. Didn't have to think about anything, just demand and she would receive.

She was spoilt to the core.

I couldn't and wouldn't compete with that. The whole marriage thing was insane but I needed attention around her and she was insane. I knew even before she was admitted. I was glad to find out that she has actually put on some weight, but not enough. I would have to talk to her about it again.

Managing Ino was a nightmare. I had no idea about the workload when I agreed to manage the skinny little innocent looking blond. Turned out she was insane, in an insanely hot way.

I would never find someone like Ino again. Girls like her didn't grow on trees. They were a rare treat and I would hold on to her for as long as I could. That meant that I would keep my indiscretions on the down low until we were married. Then she was legally bound to me in a whole other way. This marriage wasn't a bad idea after all.

I got up and went for the shower. I still smelled of booze and sex. That Temari chick had been insane as well. I guess it was normal around her. She had been a good lay and it didn't seem like she was thinking about her boyfriend once. She didn't have the time I guess, I made her orgasm thrice. She was exhausted by the time I left her.

It was Ino's fault actually. Had she given me what I wanted I wouldn't have had to go around looking for it with strangers. It seemed like she was more interested in her father's pancakes and tacky parties than sleeping with me.

She was probably sleeping with that Shikamaru dude anyway. We were just trading women, swinging without having made a deal. It didn't matter that we didn't speak about it. Didn't need to and I frankly didn't care what she did as long as she was still putting out for me when she came back.

It was just how we worked and we worked perfectly.

I found myself alone when I woke up. I would make some work calls. Sasori was running the office while I was gone, but I would never trust that bastard. We didn't share the same views but I had to hand it to him that he was the best at the office.

**Sakura was in doubt. **

I wanted to tell her. Not for personal gain, I had started caring about Ino again. Fragile little Ino that needed me to feel better about her herself. I had always loved her as a child, before we started out competition.

If I was about to marry Sasuke I would have wanted to know if he had been sleeping with other girls hardly 24 hours before the wedding. I looked down at the invitation again and back at the stream.

Ino and Itachi had finally made it back to the flower shop. I wondered why she hadn't asked me to come, I assumed she still felt the resentment between us. Still felt as rivals. Itachi was a safe, he didn't compete with her. He had even had a small crush on Ino.

Ino.

Everyone had an opinion about the girl. Very strong one. No one was indifferent when it came to Ino. It was either love or it was hate. It was straining, it had to be a nightmare for her. She didn't do a single thing to better the situation either. Didn't care, didn't try.

"Sasuke?"

He was lounging on the couch. Reading a book of some sorts.

"I think we should tell her."

He had waited for his fiancée to say something like that. He knew her well, she would want to tell Ino, thinking it was the right thing to do. Sasuke had heard more about Ino and how she had turned out than Sakura. He had heard about her, what she had been up to through his brother. Sasuke wasn't sure if he didn't want to tell her because she wouldn't care or because she thought she deserved it.

"She openly admits to sleeping with other men claiming that a wedding is just a party."

She had said that in the restaurant once. Both Sakura and he had heard her. She had been telling about that one time when she found herself the mistress of some married banker.

"Don't you think it's different when it's her own soon to be husband?"

Sasuke closed his book and watched Ino flung herself around Itachi's neck. Her lawyers had done the magic and gotten her the location she wanted. It wasn't a surprise that she had, she always got what she wanted. What was surprising was that his brother was following her around like some stray dog. Something was up.


End file.
